Recently I was visiting with a friend who told me about a family member of hers who was trying to kick the habit of "hoarding" The individual admitted that she was a "hoarder," buying things to quell her anxiety.
I believe that anxiety can influence a lot of different behaviors, particuarly those that we engage in during full-on anxiety. The behavior serves to distract from the anxiety-if you deny a problem, there is none! Or just simply engaging in behavior that is not overly constructive, but you do it to try and make the anxiety go away.
I found this conversation rather fascinating because it got me thinking about what I do in my bouts of anxiety. It made me want to know what behavior I engage in to deny the anxiety or try to make it go away.
I discovered that in my high moments of anxiety, I engage in technology/entertainment. I watch more consecutive tv shows, check my e-mail more often, spend more time on facebook, etc. There are other, perhaps more constructive behaviors I could engage in such as reading a book, exercising, cooking, etc. but I tend to choose the "technology/entertainment" because for me, it seems to require less "brain power" and more "distraction"
Email, tv, facebook, etc are great in moderation. The problem is that when my anxiety hits I tend to spend too much time engaged in those activities, just waiting for the anxiety to pass. One 1/2 hr tv turns into 2 hours, I'm rechecking facebook to see if any of my friends have updated their status.
And really, all those behaviors do is overstimulate my brain. Next time, I feel anxious, my goal is to pick up a book, cook something at the stove, put on running shoes, find a more constructive outlet for dealing wtih my anxiety, one that will leave me feeling less overstimulated in the end.
Questions??? Comments????
Thanks for reading!!!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
One Important Question
When facing anxiety, less desirable situations-I am learning to ask myself One Important Question. "What is the worst that could happen?" When I take time to stop, think and try to create a logical answer, I usually discover that "the worst" really isn't so bad, my fears are somewhat unfounded, etc. Asking myself, "What's the worst that could happen,?" is a question that give me perspective and keeps me grounded.
Make it Fun!
Though I have yet to be a parent, I am an educator by trade and have lived through being a child with a disability. During the summer, I tutor twins who sustained brain injuries (sadly, due to abuse) I have a main rule for myself during tutoring sessions.
For whatever I am teaching-math, reading, science, etc. "Make it FUN! Make it a game!" If it's not fun, I might as well be wasting my time. None of us really enjoy learning via drill/repetition, and even if I may get the point across once, if it wasn't engaging or appealing to them, it is much less likely to stick with them.
I believe that making learning fun is crucial for a child with a brain injury because there is so much that does need to be taught. For a child with a disability, they are much less likely to pick up on cues, learn something just by observing it once, be able to apply it naturally to other concepts/generalize the concept learned. For those reasons, more learning is usually needed so if it can be taught in a fun, engaging way, so much the better!
For whatever I am teaching-math, reading, science, etc. "Make it FUN! Make it a game!" If it's not fun, I might as well be wasting my time. None of us really enjoy learning via drill/repetition, and even if I may get the point across once, if it wasn't engaging or appealing to them, it is much less likely to stick with them.
I believe that making learning fun is crucial for a child with a brain injury because there is so much that does need to be taught. For a child with a disability, they are much less likely to pick up on cues, learn something just by observing it once, be able to apply it naturally to other concepts/generalize the concept learned. For those reasons, more learning is usually needed so if it can be taught in a fun, engaging way, so much the better!
Give Yourself a Pep Talk
Recently, I celebrated the 4th of July holiday by doing an 8 mile run with a good friend! It may sound crazy to some, I know.... 8 miles was longer than I have run in sometime and I cannot say that all moments were "fun" But we made it through. Together.
My friend set the pace, I followed her, and I gave us the pep talks along the way. Things like "I will NOT throw up here, (eating a cookie before a run, BAD idea) c'mon legs-don't fail us now, it's downhill up ahead-we love downhill!"
As cheesy as those sound(ed) they totally worked! We finished the 8 mile run with smiles, dumped bottles of water over our heads (it was HOT) and felt very accomplished!
I find giving myself "pep talks" is very beneficial as well! Reminding myself of things that I maybe don't want to do, but I know I can do. Tell myself that a short, unpleasant experience will be followed by something much more rewarding. And keep telling myself those things enough that I soon believe it!
My friend set the pace, I followed her, and I gave us the pep talks along the way. Things like "I will NOT throw up here, (eating a cookie before a run, BAD idea) c'mon legs-don't fail us now, it's downhill up ahead-we love downhill!"
As cheesy as those sound(ed) they totally worked! We finished the 8 mile run with smiles, dumped bottles of water over our heads (it was HOT) and felt very accomplished!
I find giving myself "pep talks" is very beneficial as well! Reminding myself of things that I maybe don't want to do, but I know I can do. Tell myself that a short, unpleasant experience will be followed by something much more rewarding. And keep telling myself those things enough that I soon believe it!
It's Not All About Me!!!!
As mentioned in a previous post, I tend to have guilt involving other people and their feelings. Working on kicking that habit! Anyway....
For example, when someone close to me, a good friend, roommate, sibling, etc. is out of sorts, seems upset around me, etc. my thoughts tend to jump to what I did/could have done to upset that individual. What do I ned to change?
However, my sister taught me an impt lesson regarding this type of scenario. It's not all about me! When my focus is on "what did I do, how did I affect the other person," I'm not necessarily concerned about them or trying to help them. I'm trying to make sure I stay on their "good side" Recently, I had an experience where things seemed out of sorts with someone close to me. Out of the blue, unusual kind of behavior for this friend. Trying to heed my sister's advice, I laid low, just let things pass and within 48 hrs things were back to normal!
So,when having anxiety about relationships remember this, "It's not all about you!" Remembering this has certainly worked for me!
For example, when someone close to me, a good friend, roommate, sibling, etc. is out of sorts, seems upset around me, etc. my thoughts tend to jump to what I did/could have done to upset that individual. What do I ned to change?
However, my sister taught me an impt lesson regarding this type of scenario. It's not all about me! When my focus is on "what did I do, how did I affect the other person," I'm not necessarily concerned about them or trying to help them. I'm trying to make sure I stay on their "good side" Recently, I had an experience where things seemed out of sorts with someone close to me. Out of the blue, unusual kind of behavior for this friend. Trying to heed my sister's advice, I laid low, just let things pass and within 48 hrs things were back to normal!
So,when having anxiety about relationships remember this, "It's not all about you!" Remembering this has certainly worked for me!
Care About Claire Day
Recently I had another "really bad day" Thankfully, this time my emotions didn't spill over onto other but I was truly hurting inside! Just too many emotional events at once! I had support from family and friends, though.
Still working through it the next day, Sunday, I decided to give myself a "Care About Claire Day." This is something I do truly for myself on occassion. I call it by a different name, using my real name, but the idea is the same. I have one goal: only do things that I truly "want" to do. Granted, it's not fool-proof, stuff may come up that needs to be done, but I try to stick to the goal of doing things I want to do.
And this time, I created another goal, to "love myself as much as possible." Rather than be hard on myself to get over it, compare myself, etc. I chose to love myself because I knew I was hurting. Loving myself made a huge difference!
You will want to make your "care day" your own but here is a sampling of activities that I have enjoyed on my various "care days": bake cookies, go for a walk, read a good book, clean/organize, go shopping, try a new recipe, watch a movie, chat with a good friend, nap, long hot shower, play with my nieces and nephews.
And if you may be thinking, "Nice idea, but there's no way I could take that kind of time for myself." Carve out what time you can spare for yourself without adding extra stress. If you could create more time by having someone help you, don't be afraid to ask for that help! People understand.
Happy "Care About Claire Day" and I hope you enjoy celebrating your own "Care Day" It's a Holiday I HIGHLY reccommend!
Still working through it the next day, Sunday, I decided to give myself a "Care About Claire Day." This is something I do truly for myself on occassion. I call it by a different name, using my real name, but the idea is the same. I have one goal: only do things that I truly "want" to do. Granted, it's not fool-proof, stuff may come up that needs to be done, but I try to stick to the goal of doing things I want to do.
And this time, I created another goal, to "love myself as much as possible." Rather than be hard on myself to get over it, compare myself, etc. I chose to love myself because I knew I was hurting. Loving myself made a huge difference!
You will want to make your "care day" your own but here is a sampling of activities that I have enjoyed on my various "care days": bake cookies, go for a walk, read a good book, clean/organize, go shopping, try a new recipe, watch a movie, chat with a good friend, nap, long hot shower, play with my nieces and nephews.
And if you may be thinking, "Nice idea, but there's no way I could take that kind of time for myself." Carve out what time you can spare for yourself without adding extra stress. If you could create more time by having someone help you, don't be afraid to ask for that help! People understand.
Happy "Care About Claire Day" and I hope you enjoy celebrating your own "Care Day" It's a Holiday I HIGHLY reccommend!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Free Pass
I try very hard in life to be considerate of other people's feelings, schedules, etc. Majority of the time I do pretty well at it, I believe. But other times my emotions/life get too overwhelming for me and it spills over onto other people.
Even though I know perfection is an "illusion" sometimes it still sounds really good to me! Telling myself things like, "If I just tried harder..." etc. For that reason when I do make choices that affect other people (ie taking out my moods on them) it can be very hard for me to let it go, move on, etc., even after I have made ammends.
I had one of those experiences recently. I don't remember the events that led up to it but I was emotional, my emotions did spill over to other people. I apologzied but I still felt embarassed and had a hard time letting it go, would those people I had affected really forget about it??? Discussing this with a friend the phrase was used, "Sometimes you need to cut yourself some slack." The word "need" really struck with me and helped me realize that it really was OK!
Further, I remembered that we all have bad days. We all have choices we would like to redo. No one is immune to challenges in life and sometimes it just feels like it's too much! It happens. Truly I hadn't meant to say the things that I had, I was just going through a really bad time.
With that in mind, I developed the strategy of giving myself a "free pass" For those when I was struggling and just needed to remember that it was all OK! Not to exclude myself from responsibility or making ammends, just to remember to ease up on myself and move on. For the next few hours whenever I was tempted to relive those events in my mind, I told myself, "Free pass, free pass, free pass." And it worked! To the degree that now, a couple weeks later I don't remember a thing about the situation, just that it was a time to give myself a "free pass" to cut myself some slack and move on!
Questions? Comments?
Even though I know perfection is an "illusion" sometimes it still sounds really good to me! Telling myself things like, "If I just tried harder..." etc. For that reason when I do make choices that affect other people (ie taking out my moods on them) it can be very hard for me to let it go, move on, etc., even after I have made ammends.
I had one of those experiences recently. I don't remember the events that led up to it but I was emotional, my emotions did spill over to other people. I apologzied but I still felt embarassed and had a hard time letting it go, would those people I had affected really forget about it??? Discussing this with a friend the phrase was used, "Sometimes you need to cut yourself some slack." The word "need" really struck with me and helped me realize that it really was OK!
Further, I remembered that we all have bad days. We all have choices we would like to redo. No one is immune to challenges in life and sometimes it just feels like it's too much! It happens. Truly I hadn't meant to say the things that I had, I was just going through a really bad time.
With that in mind, I developed the strategy of giving myself a "free pass" For those when I was struggling and just needed to remember that it was all OK! Not to exclude myself from responsibility or making ammends, just to remember to ease up on myself and move on. For the next few hours whenever I was tempted to relive those events in my mind, I told myself, "Free pass, free pass, free pass." And it worked! To the degree that now, a couple weeks later I don't remember a thing about the situation, just that it was a time to give myself a "free pass" to cut myself some slack and move on!
Questions? Comments?
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