Rigid Rule Follower

I am rigid rule follower! (Though much less rigid then I used to be) One of my family's favorite stories to tell about me is when I came home from school crying in 2nd grade because I had been chewing gum. The teacher had not scolded me, I was crying because she didn't know I was chewing gum! In 6th when I was sliding on the ice (against the rules) and didnt' get caught, I confessed to my teacher after school. I wonder what he was thinking at the time-thank goodness he kept it to himself! And the examples go on........

Why was I "self-confessing?" My system just couldn't take the high levels of guilt. There was also a fear of "getting into trouble." The only way I knew to release it was to confess! Or to avoid getting into trouble. Also, with a brain that has sustained some kind of injury, thinking abstractly is very hard to do! These brains tend to see more in black/white, rules and consequences. It's harder for the brain to negotiate "exceptions" to rules or to judge when guidelines can be/are more flexible.

Though I no longer confess, per se, I am still prone to following rules. My cousin laughs with me about the times when we went hiking or swimming in a hotel pool-someone came to tell us it was time to pack it up, and so I was the first to bolt from the trail to the car or got out of the pool ASAP.

What to do? I don't have a clear answer for this. I am learning as I go along. I am much less rigid than I used to be but it's still hard. Time and experience have been the best teachers-the more I experience, the more I realize the exceptions and flexibility to rules and situations.
But I can say this-when dealing with someone who does have a high level of rigidity, talk through it with them, help them to understand the other points of view, etc. One of the most frustrating things for me as a child (and sometimes as an adult!!!) is to have a concern responded to with "don't worry about it." If time does not permit talking about it then, acknowledge that it is a valid concern. Unfortunately, the brain is not equipped with a switch that when someone says "don't worry about it," the concern disappears. It's a process.

Answer Anxiety

As previously mentioned in this blog, math and I am not, have not and likely will not ever be friends. Especially when it comes to solving math equations. I get anxiety and frustrated if it takes me time to figure out the answer. This was very frustrating to family members who would be attempting to help me with my homework and I would be guessing like mad.
I also recall driving in the car with my parents and they were trying to help me understand blocks, 100 south is one block south of Temple Square, etc. Then they would ask me questions. And I would get tense because it was quiet and I didn't have the answer right then, etc. Also, when I was taking exams for school I would typically be the first one done, having anxiety that if I didn't answer right away I might forget. And I rarely went back to check my answers because it would get too stressful for me. Too much thinking and rethinking. I also tend to make snap decisions in life-I don't like to deliberate!

So, with all that in mind, what's a girl to do???? A few things that have worked for me..... First of all, treating/managing my anxiety better so it wasn't such a deterrent for me. Second, just being aware that it's a challenge for me. Recognizing that I make snap decisions so taking time to think if I can afford to make a snap decision or if it really is something that needs more time and thought. And if I am going to finish a test quickly, I'd better be well prepared the first time! For me, it has been easier to be aware of it and accomodate instead of trying to get rid of it.

And suggestions for children- in my working with children with brain injury, I'll ask them questions but if they appear to be stressed, I'll move on and come back to it. If they show signs of wanting to figure it out, I'll be patient and support them. Most importantly, trying to create an environment where it's not complete silence and one person waiting on me to figure this out.

This is based mainly on my experience but hopefully there is something in here that applies to another's situation as well!
PS- if you read this blog, please let me know. It would really help to have that feedback. Thank you!!!

Should have known better?!?!

The other day I recalled an incident from when I was 11, nearly 12 years old and it seemed to fit for this blog..... The incident is as follows:

I was talking with my best friend on the phone, making plans to get together that day. I put the phone down to ask my mom if she could come over and when I came back, the line was dead. I called her back and asked her what had happened. My friend said an operator came on the line and told her "Emergency call from "Jane" (my sister) will you please get off the line?' (Something like that). I basically thought, "that's weird. It must have been taken care of," and kept on talking.

When it was discovered a few minutes later that I had disregarded an emergency call (my niece needed stitches) I was severely scolded along the lines of "old enough to know better." When I realized what I had done, I felt awful. I hadn't meant to do anything wrong. Simply put, I just hadn't "connected the dots." An emergency call was completely new information to me and my brain didn't process it in a way that sent the message, "This is important. You should tell an adult about this."

As I now work with children, those with and without disabilities, I am reminded to be more compassionate, to see things from their perspective. I am particularly reminded to rethink expectations- not based solely on what they "should" or "should not" be doing but "how are they doing right now?" I try to deal with each child/situation as it comes because no two are alike!

Something to think about and remember.