One of the things that's challenging for with a brain injury is to stay updated about current events and issues. It is difficult for me to retain what I read and then connect it to something for it to make sense and remember it. I can read articles about local college football players and games and I can identify specific plays. I have attended games at the stadium, I have watched games on TV, talked to other people about it. All of these things make it easier for me to connect and retain the info. However, current events or issues are much more difficult for me to understand and apply unless I can connect it to something familiar to me.
Upon the brain injury diagnosis at 21, I developed a desire to watch what other people said and did and to learn from their examples to try to fill in gaps in my own development that had been halted by the injury. I wanted to soak in as much as I possibly could. Many years later when social media was and is prevalent I would see many people sharing articles, information, opinions, etc. about current local and world issues. I have great respect for those who are able and willing to share information and opinions like that. I saw and still see them as being willing to share and stand up for their beliefs and do good in the world.
However, it was sometimes difficult for me that I did share information and opinions like that and do good in the world. (Let me be clear, my perception of actions and self did not come from anything or anyone that was said or unsaid. Sometimes our brains, especially mine, does not always understand something and so our brains will try to make sense of it but it's not always accurate). I struggled at times with wondering if I was a "good person" because I did not go the route of current and politically informed and it seemed like such an important thing to do. I hesitated about posting things like having fun at the water park or new hairstyles I'd found because was that silly when there were much bigger problems going on in the world?
However, one day I realized that the world needs all kinds of good people and it brings peace to accept and embrace that. Pictures of latest hairstyles will not change the world but sometimes we need to see or look at things that don't require a lot of brain power. A picture about a game I played with my nieces could give someone an idea for what to do with their kids. Sharing a beloved scripture could help someone else find peace on a hard day. Bottom line, there is not one definition for a good person and the world needs all kinds of good. Also, in referencing the struggle I had about discovering to define myself as a good person; I would not trade any of the struggles I've had in my life as that would mean giving up lessons I have learned.
Comments? Questions? Please read and share if you can!
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Friday, July 8, 2016
A Successful Day with Brain Injury
First of all, thank you so much to each and all of you who read the last blog post. Your page views and support are much appreciated!
The other day I was thinking about when living with a brain injury, what helps me to be successful during the day? Thus, the inspiration for this blog post was born. It's not a comprehensive or a compulsive list; they are not all things that need to be done every day. Rather, it's things that when there is a need and I can do these things, it helps me to be successful. And while everybody's journey with brain injury is different, I expect that most of them would help others with brain injury to be successful, or anybody for that matter!
The night before I go to bed I like to and/or try to do the following:
- Quick and basic clean up of my bedroom and bathroom. This entails hanging up clothes, putting my makeup away in the drawer, etc. I do this so that when I wake up I will see clean surroundings. When you live with a brain injury, clutter can quickly distract your brain; making it more difficult to focus on what needs to be done.
- Place anything I will need for the next day into my bag and place it by the door so that I will not forget it the next day.
When I wake up in the morning I like to do the following:
- Simplify! My main goal is to get out the door on time to work as together as I can be. With a brain injury it becomes difficult to quickly process and respond to more than one thing at a time and as a result things can take more time and energy. Some of the ways I simplify are:
- Eat school lunch. When I do not have to pack a lunch or remember to bring one, it makes my morning easier and more productive.
- Keep extras of what I might need at work. For example, some mornings are just rough and I get behind. It happens! Since I need to leave on time for work, I keep items such as mascara, mini containers of cereal, etc. at work to use as needed. If I am checking emails, I can eat my cereal at the same time.
- If I am going to run an errand to someplace new, directions are a must. My brain does not naturally retain remembering how to get from point a to point b. I need the added support. Also, if I get lost, I am more likely to get anxious, lost, etc.
- Make a "to do" list in my phone. The "to do" list is different things. It may be a list of groceries that I need or a list of people I need to call when I get home. For me, putting a list in my phone is the best way to go because it's usually always on me and I don't have to worry about reading my handwriting! Also, when I am typing something and then looking at it, it is easier to remember.
If I am going out late I like to:
- I am a big believer in the "prep nap." This is for several reasons. Due to the brain injury, I tend to get tired earlier than many people and once I am tired, I often fade quickly and I want to be in my own bed. Also, I do not do well staying awake in the evening if I am in a dark setting (movie theatre, concert, etc) My brain senses the darkness and it often lulls me to sleep. Also, if the activity is a guest speaker, a lecture I am more likely to nod off. A prep nap can be as short as 20 minutes but I have found that when body gets a chance to really rest I can function better and enjoy the evening much more. Granted, this is not an everyday day activity, just as needed!
What has worked for you in being successful during the day? Brain injury or not.... Questions and/or comments are welcome!
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Keep Stepping to the Other Side
We are all subject to ups and downs in our lives, no one is exempt! I also wouldn't trade any of those downs in my life because it was all worth it when I arrived at the other side.
Two years ago, I was entering my 8th year of teaching and having both successes and learning experiences! I also had a new coworker. She asked me, "How do I get to where you are now, doing what you do?" I advised her, "You just keep stepping. Keep going. And one day, you'll be on the other side. You'll just be doing it naturally." And a few months into the year she reported to me, "Hey, you were right! I'm doing it!"
An example of "stepping to the other side" in my own life. Several years ago the man I was dating wanted to take advantage of me and hurt me. It was truly awful and the brain injury didn't help (enough said) but over time I learned to keep stepping and then I'd wake up and find myself closer to the other side.
The final big step surprised me. For a few years, I'd kept the dress I wore that night. At the time it was intended as a positive reminder to me that I was strong, that I could do hard things, etc. However, one day I woke up and knew that aside from lessons learned; I no longer had any connection to the dress or that night. So, that night the dress was cut up into tiny pieces. And I welcomed the fact that I had kept stepping and come out on the other side.
Whatever big or small challenge you may face; whether it just involves you or another person. Whether it was a "whoops" moment or you were hurt from another's poor choices. Truly, keep stepping. There is another side and it is glorious.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Moving Beyond using "Don't Worry About It"
Typically, but not always, a brain injury is accompanied by anxiety. Anxiety that can come hard and fast and it is often illogical but very real to the individual. In large part, this anxiety comes from the brains "executive function" being impacted; the part of the brain that reasons, self-calms, etc.
One of the most frustrating parts of living with severe anxiety or caring for someone with severe anxiety is that it can be controlling and consuming. As a child I was terrified by the idea of being late to school (coming in late, kids looking at me, asking me questions, etc) and so the time preceding leaving for school, I was near useless to complete tasks, have a conversation, etc even with my mom right there, having the oven timer set, etc.
I approach this as someone who lives with anxiety (today is much, much reduced) but also am educator who spends time with children and anxiety. It can be hard and frustrating to repeat yourself, try to get a child to focus, attempt to reassure without avail. Trust me, I understand both sides! But here is one simple suggestion: avoid using the phrase "don't worry about it" The use of "don't worry about it" is often well-intentioned! The adult is trying to reassure the child, let them know it's going to be OK, the situation is not as bad or severe as it is in their heads. This would be great if a simple "don't worry about it" was all it took for a child with brain injury to calm, to de-escalate, etc. Unfortunately, it's not.
As a child, I hated hearing "don't worry about it" because it did little to calm my fears and it sometimes felt "dismissive" like my fears were not important and nobody was listening to me. Again, I know that phrase was used with good intentions! Here is a simple strategy to move beyond "don't worry about it" and to more effectively calm fears. Add a "because...." To the end of the sentence. For example, "you don't need to worry about (not being picked up from carpool/swim lessons) because I talked to Joe's mom. She knows what time to pick up you and Joe and she put a reminder in her
phone." Or "you don't need to worry about (being late to the game at a new location) because I am planning to leave early in case of bad traffic and I have the directions in my phone and printed out."
Adding "because" is not magic or foolproof but it does help reduce anxiety because it gives children something specific that they can know and rely on and subsequently ease anxiety. If they get nervous again, they can remember, "Mom or Dad are doing this specific thing to help the situation be successful." As an adult, I use the "because" as well. "I don't need to worry about this because I called and talked to this person at this company and" "I don't need to worry about it because the store is open until and I can go...."
What strategies in dealing with anxiety have been effective for you?
Questions/comments are welcome!
One of the most frustrating parts of living with severe anxiety or caring for someone with severe anxiety is that it can be controlling and consuming. As a child I was terrified by the idea of being late to school (coming in late, kids looking at me, asking me questions, etc) and so the time preceding leaving for school, I was near useless to complete tasks, have a conversation, etc even with my mom right there, having the oven timer set, etc.
I approach this as someone who lives with anxiety (today is much, much reduced) but also am educator who spends time with children and anxiety. It can be hard and frustrating to repeat yourself, try to get a child to focus, attempt to reassure without avail. Trust me, I understand both sides! But here is one simple suggestion: avoid using the phrase "don't worry about it" The use of "don't worry about it" is often well-intentioned! The adult is trying to reassure the child, let them know it's going to be OK, the situation is not as bad or severe as it is in their heads. This would be great if a simple "don't worry about it" was all it took for a child with brain injury to calm, to de-escalate, etc. Unfortunately, it's not.
As a child, I hated hearing "don't worry about it" because it did little to calm my fears and it sometimes felt "dismissive" like my fears were not important and nobody was listening to me. Again, I know that phrase was used with good intentions! Here is a simple strategy to move beyond "don't worry about it" and to more effectively calm fears. Add a "because...." To the end of the sentence. For example, "you don't need to worry about (not being picked up from carpool/swim lessons) because I talked to Joe's mom. She knows what time to pick up you and Joe and she put a reminder in her
phone." Or "you don't need to worry about (being late to the game at a new location) because I am planning to leave early in case of bad traffic and I have the directions in my phone and printed out."
Adding "because" is not magic or foolproof but it does help reduce anxiety because it gives children something specific that they can know and rely on and subsequently ease anxiety. If they get nervous again, they can remember, "Mom or Dad are doing this specific thing to help the situation be successful." As an adult, I use the "because" as well. "I don't need to worry about this because I called and talked to this person at this company and" "I don't need to worry about it because the store is open until and I can go...."
What strategies in dealing with anxiety have been effective for you?
Questions/comments are welcome!
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Benefits of Using Headphones
For me, using Headphones is a fairly standard occurrence because they block out noises and distractions and keep focused on what I need to do. There are two main places where I like to use headphones; when I am using public transportation and when I am at the dentists office.
While on public transit it can be easy for someone with a brain injury to get overstimulated. You are siting in close proximity to strangers. There are several different sounds going on; people talking to one another, people talking on their phones people with headphones and music playing at maximum volume. Having my headphones and listening to something of my choosing helps me to drown out other noises or things that could make me uncomfortable and keeps me focused on enjoying the ride to work.
That being said, using headphones are not automatic. Sometimes the bus or train is quiet or sometimes I do want to visit with the person sitting next to me. But I like knowing that if the noise level gets too high or if the bus is exceptionally crowded; I have an option to help me deal with it!
The other place I like to use headphones is at the dentists office. The most uncomfortable part of that experience for me is the sounds of the various tools being used on my teeth. Adding to that discomfort are the bright lights and peoples hands in my mouth. When I was young I was always offered a Walkman and headphones to use during the appointment. But as I got older, they were offered to me less and I forgot to ask for them.
Within the past year I started downloading an audiobook on my phone and taking my headphones with me to my dentist appts. What a difference! I can still hear and have an awareness of what is going on but rather than my brain trying to process everything at once while my discomfort level is rising, I am focused on enjoying my book.
How has using headphones benefitted you or someone you know? Questions/comments welcome!
While on public transit it can be easy for someone with a brain injury to get overstimulated. You are siting in close proximity to strangers. There are several different sounds going on; people talking to one another, people talking on their phones people with headphones and music playing at maximum volume. Having my headphones and listening to something of my choosing helps me to drown out other noises or things that could make me uncomfortable and keeps me focused on enjoying the ride to work.
That being said, using headphones are not automatic. Sometimes the bus or train is quiet or sometimes I do want to visit with the person sitting next to me. But I like knowing that if the noise level gets too high or if the bus is exceptionally crowded; I have an option to help me deal with it!
The other place I like to use headphones is at the dentists office. The most uncomfortable part of that experience for me is the sounds of the various tools being used on my teeth. Adding to that discomfort are the bright lights and peoples hands in my mouth. When I was young I was always offered a Walkman and headphones to use during the appointment. But as I got older, they were offered to me less and I forgot to ask for them.
Within the past year I started downloading an audiobook on my phone and taking my headphones with me to my dentist appts. What a difference! I can still hear and have an awareness of what is going on but rather than my brain trying to process everything at once while my discomfort level is rising, I am focused on enjoying my book.
How has using headphones benefitted you or someone you know? Questions/comments welcome!
Monday, November 11, 2013
Friends
When you have a brain injury between 0-2 years old, like me, making friends can be really hard! Here are some of the reasons why:
- Reading social cues-knowing the give and take of conversation. When it's your turn to talk, when it's your turn to listen. Recognizing that someone's body language or change in their tone of voice, means that it's not a good time-without them directly saying it. A LOT for the brain to process in a short amount of time
- Sometimes be causes friends are harder to come by, you might let yourself my used by someone, have them take advantage of your kindness because it's nice to be wanted and needed
- Anxiety!!! And when anxiety hits, it's more difficult to think clearly, process, take the action you want to take
How you can help to be a good friend-this is for me as much as anyone else, I have work to do, too!
- Use verbal cues and reassurance. Tell team directly that you do want to talk with them and you will, later but now is not a good time because....
- Allow them to be involved just like with anyone else. Everyone wants to feel a part of something!
- Support their interests. When you can, attend a game, concert, etc.
- Model appropriate social behavior and cues for them. Be a classy friend.
- Be patient and try to understand where they are coming from, how their brain is processing and responding, etc.
And a huge thank you to all that are sincere friends, who make me a better person when I am around them.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Power of an Opportunity
Growing up, not yet knowing about the brain injury, a lot of things were hard for me. I struggled with hand-eye coordination so I couldn't sink a free-throw or advance a lot in playing violin or piano, even though I tried and I wanted to. Making friends was hard because of reading social cues, figuring out the give and take, etc.
With Thanksgiving approaching, a memory..... Growing up, one of my parents neighbors started a children's choir, still going today. My siblings and I all sang in the choir at one time or another. It's a prominent audition choir, winning awards, touring, recording CDs, etc. Last November my sister ran into the director at the music store. (He's been a family friend for many years). He's a bachelor so she invited him to our house for Thanskgiving and it was a great time.
It wasn't until much later that I realized what a blessing that choir was to me from age 8-16. It wasn't perfect; there were 2 choirs and it took me several years to qualify be in the more advanced choir and that's OK. The important thing was it gave me something to be GOOD at when so many other things were so hard for me. It gave me tremendous opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise and at the risk of being dramatic, I don't know where I would have been then or now, without it. I was fortunate that the director is still around so I could tell him about it.
For those with special needs, an opportunity is HUGE. Apparent or not, they are aware of what's going on, they have needs, wants, desires to be accepted, to feel successful, feel good about themselves. If you are in the position to provide an opportunity, do it. If you have been the recipient of an opportunity, special needs or not, thank someone. Every bit of good counts!!!!
With Thanksgiving approaching, a memory..... Growing up, one of my parents neighbors started a children's choir, still going today. My siblings and I all sang in the choir at one time or another. It's a prominent audition choir, winning awards, touring, recording CDs, etc. Last November my sister ran into the director at the music store. (He's been a family friend for many years). He's a bachelor so she invited him to our house for Thanskgiving and it was a great time.
It wasn't until much later that I realized what a blessing that choir was to me from age 8-16. It wasn't perfect; there were 2 choirs and it took me several years to qualify be in the more advanced choir and that's OK. The important thing was it gave me something to be GOOD at when so many other things were so hard for me. It gave me tremendous opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise and at the risk of being dramatic, I don't know where I would have been then or now, without it. I was fortunate that the director is still around so I could tell him about it.
For those with special needs, an opportunity is HUGE. Apparent or not, they are aware of what's going on, they have needs, wants, desires to be accepted, to feel successful, feel good about themselves. If you are in the position to provide an opportunity, do it. If you have been the recipient of an opportunity, special needs or not, thank someone. Every bit of good counts!!!!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Thanks, Mom!
In honor of Mother's Day..... My mom has a child with special needs. I believe she is extra special since I sustained a brain injury between 0-2 years old but not diagnosed until 21. Trying to help me and support me the best way she knew how; being aware that I had challenges but not understanding the nature of my challenges and how to address them.
Here are the top 3 things that my Mom did that helped me the most:
-She supported my dreams
-She listened to me when I would talk about my challenges and try to help as best she could
-I knew she was proud of me and loved me, simply for being me.
Thanks, Mom. I love you.
Here are the top 3 things that my Mom did that helped me the most:
-She supported my dreams
-She listened to me when I would talk about my challenges and try to help as best she could
-I knew she was proud of me and loved me, simply for being me.
Thanks, Mom. I love you.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Benefits of List Making
I am a recent convert to the benefits of list making. I generally have a good memory and did well at remembering what I need to do, where I need to be and when. The combination of my memory and success and pride I believe kept me from discovering the benefits sooner. List making was suggested to me as a strategy before but I would think, "lists? I don't need lists! I can do this on my own!"
However, once I did begin the list making and started to reap the benefits I have not looked back! The biggest benefit is that it helps with my anxiety, a common and prominent effect of brain injury. List making also helps reduce feeling overwhelmed, which can shut me down and make it hard to even begin what I need to do!
Life events also gave me a nudge. A couple months ago a badly broken leg forced me to take off a few weeks of work. A couple nights before my scheduled return date I started freaking out about all I all I had to do upon my return so I decided to make a list. And I learned that while there was in fact a lot to get done, it wasn't nearly as much as I initially anticipated! This calmed my fears and helped me to be more productive. Now I make lists for many things. Groceries, people to call/email, general to do list, etc. I have one for home and one for work, posted in a prominent place with a writing utensil close by.
What benefits have you experienced from list making? What strategies have worked for you?
However, once I did begin the list making and started to reap the benefits I have not looked back! The biggest benefit is that it helps with my anxiety, a common and prominent effect of brain injury. List making also helps reduce feeling overwhelmed, which can shut me down and make it hard to even begin what I need to do!
Life events also gave me a nudge. A couple months ago a badly broken leg forced me to take off a few weeks of work. A couple nights before my scheduled return date I started freaking out about all I all I had to do upon my return so I decided to make a list. And I learned that while there was in fact a lot to get done, it wasn't nearly as much as I initially anticipated! This calmed my fears and helped me to be more productive. Now I make lists for many things. Groceries, people to call/email, general to do list, etc. I have one for home and one for work, posted in a prominent place with a writing utensil close by.
What benefits have you experienced from list making? What strategies have worked for you?
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt
I tend to be determined and independent, sometimes slow to ask for help, sometimes going to great lengths to do it on my own; which sometimes just creates more work for me! Thankfully, there are times when I do recognize that I do need help, there are people that I can appropriately ask for help, etc. However, until recently I often had the attitude that while people did not mind helping me out, they felt obligated to do or circumstances compelled them to do it.
My Grandma had similar challenges and feelings. When I was growing up, she missed a lot of personal and family activities because she was so afraid of inconveniencing someone to help her get there and back or offer some other form of assistance. It is also worthy to note that this was not how I saw relationships with other people! I did not attend friends birthdays celebrations because I felt I had to or listen to friends because I had nothing else better to do. I did not treat them with kindness or help them out because I was "just being nice to them."
One day it clicked for me and I realized that my being the recipient of service, kindness, friendship was because people wanted to do so! They weren't feeling pushed into it, humoring me, simply bored, etc. They simply cared about me as a person and wanted to help when the opportunity came. I was relaying this to my sister one day. We have had many conversations over the years and she is a master at validating my feelings, comforting me, and guiding me in the problem solving process. We have also had many fun conversations, just catching up and enjoying each other! However, often times I have been really concerned with taking up too much of her time, bothering her, etc. I explained to her that I had realized that she really did want to have those conversations with me. And they were sincere conversations.
She said something that stuck with me. She said, "Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt." I realized that it really was not fair to not trust others or to assume things about them that really weren't true. For example, to assume that they really were not interested or wanting to listen or help but they felt obligated or were humoring. I realized I had created skewed ideas that were out of touch with the reality of the situation. I decided i want to more fully enjoy and be grateful to be the recipient of love, service and friendship and not weigh myself down with assumptions and/or anxiety.
Your feedback is welcome! Thoughts? Questions?
My Grandma had similar challenges and feelings. When I was growing up, she missed a lot of personal and family activities because she was so afraid of inconveniencing someone to help her get there and back or offer some other form of assistance. It is also worthy to note that this was not how I saw relationships with other people! I did not attend friends birthdays celebrations because I felt I had to or listen to friends because I had nothing else better to do. I did not treat them with kindness or help them out because I was "just being nice to them."
One day it clicked for me and I realized that my being the recipient of service, kindness, friendship was because people wanted to do so! They weren't feeling pushed into it, humoring me, simply bored, etc. They simply cared about me as a person and wanted to help when the opportunity came. I was relaying this to my sister one day. We have had many conversations over the years and she is a master at validating my feelings, comforting me, and guiding me in the problem solving process. We have also had many fun conversations, just catching up and enjoying each other! However, often times I have been really concerned with taking up too much of her time, bothering her, etc. I explained to her that I had realized that she really did want to have those conversations with me. And they were sincere conversations.
She said something that stuck with me. She said, "Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt." I realized that it really was not fair to not trust others or to assume things about them that really weren't true. For example, to assume that they really were not interested or wanting to listen or help but they felt obligated or were humoring. I realized I had created skewed ideas that were out of touch with the reality of the situation. I decided i want to more fully enjoy and be grateful to be the recipient of love, service and friendship and not weigh myself down with assumptions and/or anxiety.
Your feedback is welcome! Thoughts? Questions?
Accepting Feedback
A couple times in the past month I recieved tactful feedback from good friends of mine about behaviors I was engaging that were not to my advantage..... My behaviors were not being percieved as I thought they were...... I won't go into details here but their feedback was valid!
My first thought? Embarrassment. How could I engage in that kind of behavior? Didn't I know/do better? Would they remember that feedback the next time we went out? I was reminding myself that we ALL make mistakes, have painful learning experiences but at those moments, I couldn't think of any others shortcoming. I only felt my own shortcomings. And I really did feel them! By the way, looking back it was probably not the kindest action to try to think of/remember others mistakes/shortcomings!
However, sooner rather than later I learned some important lessons. Ultimately, I felt glad and relieved to have that feedback. How glad I was to know now so that I didn't have to wait longer to adjust my behaviors, or carry them on longer and continue to be unaware of the message I was sending! I felt grateful to have friends that cared enough to be honest and tactful with me and help me to become better.
I also realized that I couldn't remember moments of being aware of others shortcomings because I simply did not remember! I think I assumed that people remember a lot about those painful moments, that they are just as aware as I am in the moment and will be aware in the future, as well. However, chances are they do not give it another thought once the moment has passed.
Painful but truly important lessons to learn! \
Your feedback is welcome! Questions? Comments?
My first thought? Embarrassment. How could I engage in that kind of behavior? Didn't I know/do better? Would they remember that feedback the next time we went out? I was reminding myself that we ALL make mistakes, have painful learning experiences but at those moments, I couldn't think of any others shortcoming. I only felt my own shortcomings. And I really did feel them! By the way, looking back it was probably not the kindest action to try to think of/remember others mistakes/shortcomings!
However, sooner rather than later I learned some important lessons. Ultimately, I felt glad and relieved to have that feedback. How glad I was to know now so that I didn't have to wait longer to adjust my behaviors, or carry them on longer and continue to be unaware of the message I was sending! I felt grateful to have friends that cared enough to be honest and tactful with me and help me to become better.
I also realized that I couldn't remember moments of being aware of others shortcomings because I simply did not remember! I think I assumed that people remember a lot about those painful moments, that they are just as aware as I am in the moment and will be aware in the future, as well. However, chances are they do not give it another thought once the moment has passed.
Painful but truly important lessons to learn! \
Your feedback is welcome! Questions? Comments?
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Getting Lost.... and Then Finding My Way
Following geographical directions, getting from point a to point b has long been a challenge for me, dating back to kindergarten. Getting home from school was a 2 minute walk at the most. However, when my older sister forgot to pick me up after school, I would go to the office and call home because I was unable (or too scared) to find my way home on my own. I did eventually make it home from school with ease but as I grew older the geographical expectations increased and my ability to navigate the space around me; did not automatically increase.
However, my situation did get better over time! When I was in college, I discovered websites such as mapquest and google maps and I learned that I could type in a starting point and destination and receive step by step directions for how to get there. Having printed directions to follow was crucial because if I had to find my way independently for the first time I was more likely to be successful. Not gauranteed, but more likely. Also, I felt great about myself when I could complete the geographical task successfully! However, if I did not idependently find my way, if I was following someone or just riding in the car, my "brain did not learn the way." The next time I had to make that trip, I would remember very little about how to get from point a to point b, even if I had made that trip several times.
I also found more strategies to increase my geographical success. Though navigation is still not a strength of mine I have found ways to adapt so it does not limit my life. First, whenever I am going somewhere new I try to leave in plenty of time to get there. If I am running late, stress/anxiety tends to disrupt my ability and think logically about how to get from here to there. I also tell people, in good taste, that I have a poor sense of direction. For example, my group of friends that I go out with know that I have a harder time finding my way around. Letting them know that has been helpful because it takes the pressure off me to help navigate and if I give bad directions or something goes wrong we can laugh about it, etc instead of me feeling embarrassed.
A challenge does not necessarily mean it is a limitation. Remember that.
Questions? Comments?
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Sleeping Success
So, I know that there have been several blog posts about sleep but I assure you it is for a good reason! Sleep is a crucial part of everyday for me. I find that when I don't sleep well I tend to start the day off the wrong foot. I feel tired so I'm slow getting dressed, fixing my hair, and eating breakfast. I tend to get through the day with the goal of "when can I go back to bed???" Thus, I am a fan of anything that helps me sleep better, longer or deeper.
I used to be unable to take a quick nap unless I was in the car (not driving of course!) I would try to take naps at other times but I was rarely successful because anxiety and my internal clock was constantly going in my mind and my dialogue would go something like this, "OK. I have 10-15 minutes to fall asleep. I have to fall asleep by then so I can get a long enough nap, 30-40 minutes. If I get less than that I'll just wake up tired and groggy and I need to be awake later. OK-ready, set, sleep!!!!"
Ultimately, I would not fall asleep and I would be tired and perhaps ornery later. Or I would only take naps when I could "pass out" for a long period of time so I would oversleep and be up late until I felt tired enough to go to bed.
Recently though I discovered that not only could I fall alseep for a short amount of time but I really could feel rested after a quick nap, even under 30 minutes! I still have an internal dialogue going but now it is me saying to myself, "However long you sleep will be enough. You will wake up feeling rested." Makes for much better napping and sleeping!
Rest well! Comments and questions are always welcome!
I used to be unable to take a quick nap unless I was in the car (not driving of course!) I would try to take naps at other times but I was rarely successful because anxiety and my internal clock was constantly going in my mind and my dialogue would go something like this, "OK. I have 10-15 minutes to fall asleep. I have to fall asleep by then so I can get a long enough nap, 30-40 minutes. If I get less than that I'll just wake up tired and groggy and I need to be awake later. OK-ready, set, sleep!!!!"
Ultimately, I would not fall asleep and I would be tired and perhaps ornery later. Or I would only take naps when I could "pass out" for a long period of time so I would oversleep and be up late until I felt tired enough to go to bed.
Recently though I discovered that not only could I fall alseep for a short amount of time but I really could feel rested after a quick nap, even under 30 minutes! I still have an internal dialogue going but now it is me saying to myself, "However long you sleep will be enough. You will wake up feeling rested." Makes for much better napping and sleeping!
Rest well! Comments and questions are always welcome!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Importance of Exercise
There are many benefits of exercise, probably to be covered in later blog posts. For now, I want to focus on the importance of exercise as it relates to sleep. With the brain injury, I have never been a great sleeper-whether it's getting enough sleep, falling asleep, sleeping through the night, etc. I have tried so many methods- cool, dark room, herbal tea before bed, quiet hour before bed, sleep aids, etc. Sometimes I have felt like a professional "try to go to sleep-er!" Most methods have worked in one form or another to varying degrees but the most effective method to help me fall asleep quicker and sleep through the night? Exercise: hands down.
Life is crazy and busy and full for everyone but knowing how much exercise affects my sleep keeps me motivated to get regular exercise. I have a treadmill at home and I have a gym membership but due to the full-ness of life sometimes creativity is required to fit in exercise!
I also take public transit (buses or TRAX trains) most everywhere I go which also helps. The TRAX stops are close to home and work but there is a 15 minute wait in between trains so I use that time to pace the platform, get in a 15 minute walk. Sometimes I get strange looks from passengers as I am passing by them for the 5th time but hey, it works! When I have plans in the evening I may not have time for a full work-out but I do have 20-25 minutes to spare so I will get off a trax stop earlier and then get an extra 20 minute walk. Sometimes when I am lacking the motivation for exercise, running on the treadmill while having the tv closed captioned works wonders to help me keep running!
Obviously there are other crucial forms of exercise besides walking/running but these are the easiest for me to fit in on the fly. When I have had a hard workout that day I can "feel" a difference. I don't need such a long routine to "get ready for bed." My body naturally feels tired at the appropriate time. My brain/thinking is calmer instead of spinning in multiple directions. I sleep more soundly instead of wide awake in the middle of the night.
Questions? Comments?
Life is crazy and busy and full for everyone but knowing how much exercise affects my sleep keeps me motivated to get regular exercise. I have a treadmill at home and I have a gym membership but due to the full-ness of life sometimes creativity is required to fit in exercise!
I also take public transit (buses or TRAX trains) most everywhere I go which also helps. The TRAX stops are close to home and work but there is a 15 minute wait in between trains so I use that time to pace the platform, get in a 15 minute walk. Sometimes I get strange looks from passengers as I am passing by them for the 5th time but hey, it works! When I have plans in the evening I may not have time for a full work-out but I do have 20-25 minutes to spare so I will get off a trax stop earlier and then get an extra 20 minute walk. Sometimes when I am lacking the motivation for exercise, running on the treadmill while having the tv closed captioned works wonders to help me keep running!
Obviously there are other crucial forms of exercise besides walking/running but these are the easiest for me to fit in on the fly. When I have had a hard workout that day I can "feel" a difference. I don't need such a long routine to "get ready for bed." My body naturally feels tired at the appropriate time. My brain/thinking is calmer instead of spinning in multiple directions. I sleep more soundly instead of wide awake in the middle of the night.
Questions? Comments?
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Thoughts about Bumps and Guilt
Guilt is something that comes naturally to me!!! Even as a child, if I misbehaved at school and my teacher didn't catch me..... I would turn myself in to my teacher!!!! As previously mentioned work in recent past has been pure heck. A change in pay, assignment, long commute, new coworkers, etc. While there were moments of, "Next time I'll do this differently....." Much of what led up to the changes was beyond my control.
When things have gone wrong in life, I tend to blame myself first! What I could have done differently, how I could have (supposedly) avoided it, what I did to bring it upon myself, etc. While it has differently gotten better over the years, to some degree it is still there! Recently through various conversations with those close to me, thoughts/pondering, reading, etc, I have learned a few things. Important things.
For example, when trying to reach your goals, pursue your dreams, work hard, etc. There WILL be challenges. BUT it doesn't automatically mean that I am completely at fault, brought it all upon myself, etc. It is part of living life, being human, etc. It could be different if I were content to just "chill" in life, let whatever happens, happen, stay where I'm at, etc. But as hard as the bumps in life can be.... I think life would be MUCH less satisfying and more boring without the bumps! As the saying goes, "You can't have a rose without some thorns!"
These are lessons I hope to remember and apply often in the future.
When things have gone wrong in life, I tend to blame myself first! What I could have done differently, how I could have (supposedly) avoided it, what I did to bring it upon myself, etc. While it has differently gotten better over the years, to some degree it is still there! Recently through various conversations with those close to me, thoughts/pondering, reading, etc, I have learned a few things. Important things.
For example, when trying to reach your goals, pursue your dreams, work hard, etc. There WILL be challenges. BUT it doesn't automatically mean that I am completely at fault, brought it all upon myself, etc. It is part of living life, being human, etc. It could be different if I were content to just "chill" in life, let whatever happens, happen, stay where I'm at, etc. But as hard as the bumps in life can be.... I think life would be MUCH less satisfying and more boring without the bumps! As the saying goes, "You can't have a rose without some thorns!"
These are lessons I hope to remember and apply often in the future.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Emotional Signs.......
Work life this past 4-6 weeks has for the most part been pure HECK. I am NOT trying to be dramatic, attention-seeking, etc. Just honest :)
Now that the dust is beginning to clear, I have learned things about myself, how I respond in times of high emotion-stress, depression, anixety, etc. There is no right or wrong, just a list of things that are "signs" of when I have high emotions.
-I tend to eat less, but something about a cheese quesadilla (slices of a cheese on a whole wheat tortilla nuked in the microwave for 42 seconds) becomes the most appealing dish! When I'm eating more cheese quesadillas, it often something is going on!
-I tend to sleep more on the living couch than in my bed. When I am stressed, I prefer to go to bed watching tv while laying on the couch. I find just laying in my bed in quiet can be kind of stressful
-It can be harder to get "regular" things done-hair done, prescriptions picked up, go the gym, etc. It often does get done sometimes just not as often as it might otherwise.....
The point? It's not so much about me, just word of advice to become aware of you and your feelings. Discover habits, triggers, etc. that occur when your emotions are running high. It can help you identify the challenge and work towards a solution.
Now that the dust is beginning to clear, I have learned things about myself, how I respond in times of high emotion-stress, depression, anixety, etc. There is no right or wrong, just a list of things that are "signs" of when I have high emotions.
-I tend to eat less, but something about a cheese quesadilla (slices of a cheese on a whole wheat tortilla nuked in the microwave for 42 seconds) becomes the most appealing dish! When I'm eating more cheese quesadillas, it often something is going on!
-I tend to sleep more on the living couch than in my bed. When I am stressed, I prefer to go to bed watching tv while laying on the couch. I find just laying in my bed in quiet can be kind of stressful
-It can be harder to get "regular" things done-hair done, prescriptions picked up, go the gym, etc. It often does get done sometimes just not as often as it might otherwise.....
The point? It's not so much about me, just word of advice to become aware of you and your feelings. Discover habits, triggers, etc. that occur when your emotions are running high. It can help you identify the challenge and work towards a solution.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Life Happens......
Life has been..... a bit...... eventful lately with events ranging from a broken washer, broken tooth, serious trouble at work for events that were beyond my control, etc. When things go wrong, I tend to blame myself- looking at how it could have gone differently, what I could have done to avoid it, etc. Obviously, it really doesn't make me feel any better :)
But I recently learned and believed that life simply happens!!!! Yes, there are those moments that I bring upon myself through choices, actions, whatever but most of the time it happens all on its own! I realized that I have to separate the "how/why" of what happened and focus instead on getting through it as best I can. Again, remembering that life simply happens, to all of us:)
But I recently learned and believed that life simply happens!!!! Yes, there are those moments that I bring upon myself through choices, actions, whatever but most of the time it happens all on its own! I realized that I have to separate the "how/why" of what happened and focus instead on getting through it as best I can. Again, remembering that life simply happens, to all of us:)
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Keep Your Eyes Open!!!!
The other day I was working out with my trainer at the gym when she presented me with a daunting task. She combined a series of "steps" like what you use for step aerobics until the "step" was about 14 inches and challenged to jump on top off it with both feet. A daunting task for several reasons!
I missed many times in a row trying to get on top of the step. I'd miss completely, or I'd get just one foot on top, or both feet would just brush the top. At first I thought I was missing due to fear, and I was a bit scared! Scared that I would fall off, fall to the ground, hit my back or something like that. But once my trainer paused and showed me exactly where I had to land, right in the middle of the step with both feet, I discovered the source of my problem. I was jumping with my eyes closed!
Once I focused on where I had to land and made sure to keep my eyes open I began to hit/stick the landing. Not each time, but it did happen! And I began to think of how it applies to life. That there are things I want to do, try, accomplish, etc but for whatever reason-fear, feeling overwhelmed, unsure, etc. I don't focus on it with my eyes open. I kind of wander through and hope that things will come together as I want them to.
Lately, when I set my eye on something, I next sit down and write down, step by step where it was I want to go, and how I want to get there. Trying my best to focus on just one thing at a time-not an easy task for me! But thinking it through, writing it down, focusing and keeping my eyes open has made a world of difference in seeing where I want to go and staying the course to get there.
I missed many times in a row trying to get on top of the step. I'd miss completely, or I'd get just one foot on top, or both feet would just brush the top. At first I thought I was missing due to fear, and I was a bit scared! Scared that I would fall off, fall to the ground, hit my back or something like that. But once my trainer paused and showed me exactly where I had to land, right in the middle of the step with both feet, I discovered the source of my problem. I was jumping with my eyes closed!
Once I focused on where I had to land and made sure to keep my eyes open I began to hit/stick the landing. Not each time, but it did happen! And I began to think of how it applies to life. That there are things I want to do, try, accomplish, etc but for whatever reason-fear, feeling overwhelmed, unsure, etc. I don't focus on it with my eyes open. I kind of wander through and hope that things will come together as I want them to.
Lately, when I set my eye on something, I next sit down and write down, step by step where it was I want to go, and how I want to get there. Trying my best to focus on just one thing at a time-not an easy task for me! But thinking it through, writing it down, focusing and keeping my eyes open has made a world of difference in seeing where I want to go and staying the course to get there.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
External Help
Recently I have been learning about the external help. There are a lot of things in the world that I would like to do, be better at, learn about, etc. But a combination of the brain injury (needing more to process the steps, lower frustration tolerance level) and life circumstances in general can make it more challenging to learn skills, master them, etc. This is the part where "external help" comes in. Some examples from my own life.
-Recently I started working at the gym I already go to with a personal trainer. I know this is not for everybody, but for me, I have LOVED it. It takes all the "guesswork" out of exercising and strength training. Recently, I ran in another 1/2 marathon (not my first) while I was happy about my finishing time, by far the best part was that I was not sore the next day!!!! I credit a lot of that to my trainer and the strength training exercises she showed me.
-Before I hired a trainer, I would ask friends who had knowledge of strength training to go with me to the gym and show me some strength training exercises I could do
-My mom going with me to buy plants for my garden and giving me tips along the way
-I have a sister who LOVES to organize. She has helped me with many an organizing project. Recently I was on my own to tackle my bedroom and closet but a lot of what she had patiently taught me was still in my head. The result! I love walking into a room and closet that is organized, I breathe a sigh of relief and smile
The point is, as you feel comfortable there are often times many people around you happy to help you, guide you, teach you. Often free of charge, too! Or you can always google "how to" There are some skills too, that are just not for me. No matter how many times I am taught by different people at different times I will likely not get up on waterskis or bowl anything over 86. So be flexible with your goals :)
But if there are such skills you would like to learn, to practice, I would like to encourage you to not be stopped by fear or lack of know how. Chances are there is someone or something out there that would be more than happy to teach/guide you. And when you have learned that skills, it feels fantastic!
Questions? Comments?
-Recently I started working at the gym I already go to with a personal trainer. I know this is not for everybody, but for me, I have LOVED it. It takes all the "guesswork" out of exercising and strength training. Recently, I ran in another 1/2 marathon (not my first) while I was happy about my finishing time, by far the best part was that I was not sore the next day!!!! I credit a lot of that to my trainer and the strength training exercises she showed me.
-Before I hired a trainer, I would ask friends who had knowledge of strength training to go with me to the gym and show me some strength training exercises I could do
-My mom going with me to buy plants for my garden and giving me tips along the way
-I have a sister who LOVES to organize. She has helped me with many an organizing project. Recently I was on my own to tackle my bedroom and closet but a lot of what she had patiently taught me was still in my head. The result! I love walking into a room and closet that is organized, I breathe a sigh of relief and smile
The point is, as you feel comfortable there are often times many people around you happy to help you, guide you, teach you. Often free of charge, too! Or you can always google "how to" There are some skills too, that are just not for me. No matter how many times I am taught by different people at different times I will likely not get up on waterskis or bowl anything over 86. So be flexible with your goals :)
But if there are such skills you would like to learn, to practice, I would like to encourage you to not be stopped by fear or lack of know how. Chances are there is someone or something out there that would be more than happy to teach/guide you. And when you have learned that skills, it feels fantastic!
Questions? Comments?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Anxious Behavior
Recently I was visiting with a friend who told me about a family member of hers who was trying to kick the habit of "hoarding" The individual admitted that she was a "hoarder," buying things to quell her anxiety.
I believe that anxiety can influence a lot of different behaviors, particuarly those that we engage in during full-on anxiety. The behavior serves to distract from the anxiety-if you deny a problem, there is none! Or just simply engaging in behavior that is not overly constructive, but you do it to try and make the anxiety go away.
I found this conversation rather fascinating because it got me thinking about what I do in my bouts of anxiety. It made me want to know what behavior I engage in to deny the anxiety or try to make it go away.
I discovered that in my high moments of anxiety, I engage in technology/entertainment. I watch more consecutive tv shows, check my e-mail more often, spend more time on facebook, etc. There are other, perhaps more constructive behaviors I could engage in such as reading a book, exercising, cooking, etc. but I tend to choose the "technology/entertainment" because for me, it seems to require less "brain power" and more "distraction"
Email, tv, facebook, etc are great in moderation. The problem is that when my anxiety hits I tend to spend too much time engaged in those activities, just waiting for the anxiety to pass. One 1/2 hr tv turns into 2 hours, I'm rechecking facebook to see if any of my friends have updated their status.
And really, all those behaviors do is overstimulate my brain. Next time, I feel anxious, my goal is to pick up a book, cook something at the stove, put on running shoes, find a more constructive outlet for dealing wtih my anxiety, one that will leave me feeling less overstimulated in the end.
Questions??? Comments????
Thanks for reading!!!
I believe that anxiety can influence a lot of different behaviors, particuarly those that we engage in during full-on anxiety. The behavior serves to distract from the anxiety-if you deny a problem, there is none! Or just simply engaging in behavior that is not overly constructive, but you do it to try and make the anxiety go away.
I found this conversation rather fascinating because it got me thinking about what I do in my bouts of anxiety. It made me want to know what behavior I engage in to deny the anxiety or try to make it go away.
I discovered that in my high moments of anxiety, I engage in technology/entertainment. I watch more consecutive tv shows, check my e-mail more often, spend more time on facebook, etc. There are other, perhaps more constructive behaviors I could engage in such as reading a book, exercising, cooking, etc. but I tend to choose the "technology/entertainment" because for me, it seems to require less "brain power" and more "distraction"
Email, tv, facebook, etc are great in moderation. The problem is that when my anxiety hits I tend to spend too much time engaged in those activities, just waiting for the anxiety to pass. One 1/2 hr tv turns into 2 hours, I'm rechecking facebook to see if any of my friends have updated their status.
And really, all those behaviors do is overstimulate my brain. Next time, I feel anxious, my goal is to pick up a book, cook something at the stove, put on running shoes, find a more constructive outlet for dealing wtih my anxiety, one that will leave me feeling less overstimulated in the end.
Questions??? Comments????
Thanks for reading!!!
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