In honor of Mother's Day..... My mom has a child with special needs. I believe she is extra special since I sustained a brain injury between 0-2 years old but not diagnosed until 21. Trying to help me and support me the best way she knew how; being aware that I had challenges but not understanding the nature of my challenges and how to address them.
Here are the top 3 things that my Mom did that helped me the most:
-She supported my dreams
-She listened to me when I would talk about my challenges and try to help as best she could
-I knew she was proud of me and loved me, simply for being me.
Thanks, Mom. I love you.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Benefits of List Making
I am a recent convert to the benefits of list making. I generally have a good memory and did well at remembering what I need to do, where I need to be and when. The combination of my memory and success and pride I believe kept me from discovering the benefits sooner. List making was suggested to me as a strategy before but I would think, "lists? I don't need lists! I can do this on my own!"
However, once I did begin the list making and started to reap the benefits I have not looked back! The biggest benefit is that it helps with my anxiety, a common and prominent effect of brain injury. List making also helps reduce feeling overwhelmed, which can shut me down and make it hard to even begin what I need to do!
Life events also gave me a nudge. A couple months ago a badly broken leg forced me to take off a few weeks of work. A couple nights before my scheduled return date I started freaking out about all I all I had to do upon my return so I decided to make a list. And I learned that while there was in fact a lot to get done, it wasn't nearly as much as I initially anticipated! This calmed my fears and helped me to be more productive. Now I make lists for many things. Groceries, people to call/email, general to do list, etc. I have one for home and one for work, posted in a prominent place with a writing utensil close by.
What benefits have you experienced from list making? What strategies have worked for you?
However, once I did begin the list making and started to reap the benefits I have not looked back! The biggest benefit is that it helps with my anxiety, a common and prominent effect of brain injury. List making also helps reduce feeling overwhelmed, which can shut me down and make it hard to even begin what I need to do!
Life events also gave me a nudge. A couple months ago a badly broken leg forced me to take off a few weeks of work. A couple nights before my scheduled return date I started freaking out about all I all I had to do upon my return so I decided to make a list. And I learned that while there was in fact a lot to get done, it wasn't nearly as much as I initially anticipated! This calmed my fears and helped me to be more productive. Now I make lists for many things. Groceries, people to call/email, general to do list, etc. I have one for home and one for work, posted in a prominent place with a writing utensil close by.
What benefits have you experienced from list making? What strategies have worked for you?
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt
I tend to be determined and independent, sometimes slow to ask for help, sometimes going to great lengths to do it on my own; which sometimes just creates more work for me! Thankfully, there are times when I do recognize that I do need help, there are people that I can appropriately ask for help, etc. However, until recently I often had the attitude that while people did not mind helping me out, they felt obligated to do or circumstances compelled them to do it.
My Grandma had similar challenges and feelings. When I was growing up, she missed a lot of personal and family activities because she was so afraid of inconveniencing someone to help her get there and back or offer some other form of assistance. It is also worthy to note that this was not how I saw relationships with other people! I did not attend friends birthdays celebrations because I felt I had to or listen to friends because I had nothing else better to do. I did not treat them with kindness or help them out because I was "just being nice to them."
One day it clicked for me and I realized that my being the recipient of service, kindness, friendship was because people wanted to do so! They weren't feeling pushed into it, humoring me, simply bored, etc. They simply cared about me as a person and wanted to help when the opportunity came. I was relaying this to my sister one day. We have had many conversations over the years and she is a master at validating my feelings, comforting me, and guiding me in the problem solving process. We have also had many fun conversations, just catching up and enjoying each other! However, often times I have been really concerned with taking up too much of her time, bothering her, etc. I explained to her that I had realized that she really did want to have those conversations with me. And they were sincere conversations.
She said something that stuck with me. She said, "Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt." I realized that it really was not fair to not trust others or to assume things about them that really weren't true. For example, to assume that they really were not interested or wanting to listen or help but they felt obligated or were humoring. I realized I had created skewed ideas that were out of touch with the reality of the situation. I decided i want to more fully enjoy and be grateful to be the recipient of love, service and friendship and not weigh myself down with assumptions and/or anxiety.
Your feedback is welcome! Thoughts? Questions?
My Grandma had similar challenges and feelings. When I was growing up, she missed a lot of personal and family activities because she was so afraid of inconveniencing someone to help her get there and back or offer some other form of assistance. It is also worthy to note that this was not how I saw relationships with other people! I did not attend friends birthdays celebrations because I felt I had to or listen to friends because I had nothing else better to do. I did not treat them with kindness or help them out because I was "just being nice to them."
One day it clicked for me and I realized that my being the recipient of service, kindness, friendship was because people wanted to do so! They weren't feeling pushed into it, humoring me, simply bored, etc. They simply cared about me as a person and wanted to help when the opportunity came. I was relaying this to my sister one day. We have had many conversations over the years and she is a master at validating my feelings, comforting me, and guiding me in the problem solving process. We have also had many fun conversations, just catching up and enjoying each other! However, often times I have been really concerned with taking up too much of her time, bothering her, etc. I explained to her that I had realized that she really did want to have those conversations with me. And they were sincere conversations.
She said something that stuck with me. She said, "Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt." I realized that it really was not fair to not trust others or to assume things about them that really weren't true. For example, to assume that they really were not interested or wanting to listen or help but they felt obligated or were humoring. I realized I had created skewed ideas that were out of touch with the reality of the situation. I decided i want to more fully enjoy and be grateful to be the recipient of love, service and friendship and not weigh myself down with assumptions and/or anxiety.
Your feedback is welcome! Thoughts? Questions?
Accepting Feedback
A couple times in the past month I recieved tactful feedback from good friends of mine about behaviors I was engaging that were not to my advantage..... My behaviors were not being percieved as I thought they were...... I won't go into details here but their feedback was valid!
My first thought? Embarrassment. How could I engage in that kind of behavior? Didn't I know/do better? Would they remember that feedback the next time we went out? I was reminding myself that we ALL make mistakes, have painful learning experiences but at those moments, I couldn't think of any others shortcoming. I only felt my own shortcomings. And I really did feel them! By the way, looking back it was probably not the kindest action to try to think of/remember others mistakes/shortcomings!
However, sooner rather than later I learned some important lessons. Ultimately, I felt glad and relieved to have that feedback. How glad I was to know now so that I didn't have to wait longer to adjust my behaviors, or carry them on longer and continue to be unaware of the message I was sending! I felt grateful to have friends that cared enough to be honest and tactful with me and help me to become better.
I also realized that I couldn't remember moments of being aware of others shortcomings because I simply did not remember! I think I assumed that people remember a lot about those painful moments, that they are just as aware as I am in the moment and will be aware in the future, as well. However, chances are they do not give it another thought once the moment has passed.
Painful but truly important lessons to learn! \
Your feedback is welcome! Questions? Comments?
My first thought? Embarrassment. How could I engage in that kind of behavior? Didn't I know/do better? Would they remember that feedback the next time we went out? I was reminding myself that we ALL make mistakes, have painful learning experiences but at those moments, I couldn't think of any others shortcoming. I only felt my own shortcomings. And I really did feel them! By the way, looking back it was probably not the kindest action to try to think of/remember others mistakes/shortcomings!
However, sooner rather than later I learned some important lessons. Ultimately, I felt glad and relieved to have that feedback. How glad I was to know now so that I didn't have to wait longer to adjust my behaviors, or carry them on longer and continue to be unaware of the message I was sending! I felt grateful to have friends that cared enough to be honest and tactful with me and help me to become better.
I also realized that I couldn't remember moments of being aware of others shortcomings because I simply did not remember! I think I assumed that people remember a lot about those painful moments, that they are just as aware as I am in the moment and will be aware in the future, as well. However, chances are they do not give it another thought once the moment has passed.
Painful but truly important lessons to learn! \
Your feedback is welcome! Questions? Comments?
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Getting Lost.... and Then Finding My Way
Following geographical directions, getting from point a to point b has long been a challenge for me, dating back to kindergarten. Getting home from school was a 2 minute walk at the most. However, when my older sister forgot to pick me up after school, I would go to the office and call home because I was unable (or too scared) to find my way home on my own. I did eventually make it home from school with ease but as I grew older the geographical expectations increased and my ability to navigate the space around me; did not automatically increase.
However, my situation did get better over time! When I was in college, I discovered websites such as mapquest and google maps and I learned that I could type in a starting point and destination and receive step by step directions for how to get there. Having printed directions to follow was crucial because if I had to find my way independently for the first time I was more likely to be successful. Not gauranteed, but more likely. Also, I felt great about myself when I could complete the geographical task successfully! However, if I did not idependently find my way, if I was following someone or just riding in the car, my "brain did not learn the way." The next time I had to make that trip, I would remember very little about how to get from point a to point b, even if I had made that trip several times.
I also found more strategies to increase my geographical success. Though navigation is still not a strength of mine I have found ways to adapt so it does not limit my life. First, whenever I am going somewhere new I try to leave in plenty of time to get there. If I am running late, stress/anxiety tends to disrupt my ability and think logically about how to get from here to there. I also tell people, in good taste, that I have a poor sense of direction. For example, my group of friends that I go out with know that I have a harder time finding my way around. Letting them know that has been helpful because it takes the pressure off me to help navigate and if I give bad directions or something goes wrong we can laugh about it, etc instead of me feeling embarrassed.
A challenge does not necessarily mean it is a limitation. Remember that.
Questions? Comments?
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Sleeping Success
So, I know that there have been several blog posts about sleep but I assure you it is for a good reason! Sleep is a crucial part of everyday for me. I find that when I don't sleep well I tend to start the day off the wrong foot. I feel tired so I'm slow getting dressed, fixing my hair, and eating breakfast. I tend to get through the day with the goal of "when can I go back to bed???" Thus, I am a fan of anything that helps me sleep better, longer or deeper.
I used to be unable to take a quick nap unless I was in the car (not driving of course!) I would try to take naps at other times but I was rarely successful because anxiety and my internal clock was constantly going in my mind and my dialogue would go something like this, "OK. I have 10-15 minutes to fall asleep. I have to fall asleep by then so I can get a long enough nap, 30-40 minutes. If I get less than that I'll just wake up tired and groggy and I need to be awake later. OK-ready, set, sleep!!!!"
Ultimately, I would not fall asleep and I would be tired and perhaps ornery later. Or I would only take naps when I could "pass out" for a long period of time so I would oversleep and be up late until I felt tired enough to go to bed.
Recently though I discovered that not only could I fall alseep for a short amount of time but I really could feel rested after a quick nap, even under 30 minutes! I still have an internal dialogue going but now it is me saying to myself, "However long you sleep will be enough. You will wake up feeling rested." Makes for much better napping and sleeping!
Rest well! Comments and questions are always welcome!
I used to be unable to take a quick nap unless I was in the car (not driving of course!) I would try to take naps at other times but I was rarely successful because anxiety and my internal clock was constantly going in my mind and my dialogue would go something like this, "OK. I have 10-15 minutes to fall asleep. I have to fall asleep by then so I can get a long enough nap, 30-40 minutes. If I get less than that I'll just wake up tired and groggy and I need to be awake later. OK-ready, set, sleep!!!!"
Ultimately, I would not fall asleep and I would be tired and perhaps ornery later. Or I would only take naps when I could "pass out" for a long period of time so I would oversleep and be up late until I felt tired enough to go to bed.
Recently though I discovered that not only could I fall alseep for a short amount of time but I really could feel rested after a quick nap, even under 30 minutes! I still have an internal dialogue going but now it is me saying to myself, "However long you sleep will be enough. You will wake up feeling rested." Makes for much better napping and sleeping!
Rest well! Comments and questions are always welcome!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Importance of Exercise
There are many benefits of exercise, probably to be covered in later blog posts. For now, I want to focus on the importance of exercise as it relates to sleep. With the brain injury, I have never been a great sleeper-whether it's getting enough sleep, falling asleep, sleeping through the night, etc. I have tried so many methods- cool, dark room, herbal tea before bed, quiet hour before bed, sleep aids, etc. Sometimes I have felt like a professional "try to go to sleep-er!" Most methods have worked in one form or another to varying degrees but the most effective method to help me fall asleep quicker and sleep through the night? Exercise: hands down.
Life is crazy and busy and full for everyone but knowing how much exercise affects my sleep keeps me motivated to get regular exercise. I have a treadmill at home and I have a gym membership but due to the full-ness of life sometimes creativity is required to fit in exercise!
I also take public transit (buses or TRAX trains) most everywhere I go which also helps. The TRAX stops are close to home and work but there is a 15 minute wait in between trains so I use that time to pace the platform, get in a 15 minute walk. Sometimes I get strange looks from passengers as I am passing by them for the 5th time but hey, it works! When I have plans in the evening I may not have time for a full work-out but I do have 20-25 minutes to spare so I will get off a trax stop earlier and then get an extra 20 minute walk. Sometimes when I am lacking the motivation for exercise, running on the treadmill while having the tv closed captioned works wonders to help me keep running!
Obviously there are other crucial forms of exercise besides walking/running but these are the easiest for me to fit in on the fly. When I have had a hard workout that day I can "feel" a difference. I don't need such a long routine to "get ready for bed." My body naturally feels tired at the appropriate time. My brain/thinking is calmer instead of spinning in multiple directions. I sleep more soundly instead of wide awake in the middle of the night.
Questions? Comments?
Life is crazy and busy and full for everyone but knowing how much exercise affects my sleep keeps me motivated to get regular exercise. I have a treadmill at home and I have a gym membership but due to the full-ness of life sometimes creativity is required to fit in exercise!
I also take public transit (buses or TRAX trains) most everywhere I go which also helps. The TRAX stops are close to home and work but there is a 15 minute wait in between trains so I use that time to pace the platform, get in a 15 minute walk. Sometimes I get strange looks from passengers as I am passing by them for the 5th time but hey, it works! When I have plans in the evening I may not have time for a full work-out but I do have 20-25 minutes to spare so I will get off a trax stop earlier and then get an extra 20 minute walk. Sometimes when I am lacking the motivation for exercise, running on the treadmill while having the tv closed captioned works wonders to help me keep running!
Obviously there are other crucial forms of exercise besides walking/running but these are the easiest for me to fit in on the fly. When I have had a hard workout that day I can "feel" a difference. I don't need such a long routine to "get ready for bed." My body naturally feels tired at the appropriate time. My brain/thinking is calmer instead of spinning in multiple directions. I sleep more soundly instead of wide awake in the middle of the night.
Questions? Comments?
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