Like Talking to a Roller Coaster

I am not the world's most gifted conversationalist. I have lots of valuable things to say (or at least I believe so), it's the give-and-take, attention, parts of the conversation that are a problem for me. The best analogy I can come up with is that talking to me can be like talking to a roller coaster!

For example, I tend to change topics at random, like how a car can jump from one roller coaster track to the other. Sometimes I forget that my friends can't read my mind and know what I'm thinking about when I suddenly bring up a new topic or return to the old one. Or when a friend/family member makes a comment, I hear them, but instead of responding, I give a comment that's related to what's on my mind at the time. Making eye contact is also very challenging for anyone with a brain injury- eye contact can be intimidating and/or just plain hard to stay that focused for an amount of time.

Having a conversation is especially challenging over the telephone because I can't see the other person's facial/body cues to know when they are done speaking. I tend to interrupt, not because I don't care or I'm trying to be rude but because there's less guide to know when it's OK for me to take a turn to talk. As a final example, I tend to forget that it's hard for people to follow me when I'm not paying attention. As a result, I tend to talk to my feet while I'm tying my shoes or inside my purse while I'm looking for something. Kind of like going through a dark tunnel on a rollercoaster.

Thankfully my conversation skills have improved over time. I have self-trained myself to be more aware of my conversation skills. For example, whenever someone tells me something, I count (to myself) to wait for a time to speak and make a comment to acknowledge that I am listening to what they are saying, that it is important to me. Waiting before my roller coaster car jumps tracks.

While I am by no means trying to condone poor conversation skills, keep in mind that they are very hard for hard for someone with a brain injury! Reading non-verbal cues, staying focused, keeping eye contact are not easy. So,when you are in the position of having a conversation with such a person- be kind, be patient. Rather than criticizing help them, guide them in improving their skills.