Choosing Limits

A bit of background, for various reasons, brain injury being a small part of that, I don't have a car of my own to drive. My friends are great at giving me rides, helping me to get places, etc without a word of complaint. I try to be considerate of their schedule, treat them to lunch or dinner, etc.

My friends are also good, kind people who care about one another and want to help them. Recently I heard about several acts of kindness done to friends with the use of a car (ie taking to a dr's appt, bringing them balloons, and more). I felt bad, wishing that I could do more to be a better friend, that I could have more opportunities to show my friends that I cared. (I share this because I know that we all, at one time or another wish we were more, better, etc).

I began to wonder if I was a poor friend, selfish with my time when I could be doing more. But let's face it when your option is your feet, it's harder to get stuff done and share it with others. I wanted SO much for my friends to know how I cared, and hoped that they knew it.... I was concerned that maybe I wasn't doing enough to repay all that they do for me.

But I did begin to make a list of good things I do/did whether for friends or not..... Here's some of what I discovered: attended a wedding reception, helped my parents in the yard, sent a text to a friend that I was thinking of, hosting a celebratory party for a friend, baby-sitting for neices and nephew. It was a nice change to think good things about myself instead of being so hard on myself.

And.... I realized something else-very important and very true!!! You are only as limited as you choose to be!!!

Something to think about.

Enjoy the Ride

When I recollect on the advice I've gotten over the years from friends, families, associates, dr's, etc one of the most common has been "Enjoy the Ride!" At least for me, MUCH easier than done. But I gained some recent insight that adage recently.....

Ups and downs in life WILL happen. First of all, I can't keep them from coming. I can't "brace myself" for "what may come" and my best actions cannot prevent the downs from coming/happening. Ultimately, life will happen, I don't need to "help it along!!!!" By worrying or trying to avoid.

Second, good things WILL also happen without my intense planning/anticipating. I can't control everything I want to have happen nor do I need to!!!! Life can surprise you. Pleasantly.

So for now, I try to "relax and enjoy the ride"! And if I had a dollar for everytime I said that to myself during the day, I could really bring in the dough! But everytime I say it to myself, it gets a little easier as well........

It's All Right to Cry

The lyrics to one of my favorite songs from "Sesame St"
"It's all right to cry,
Crying gets the sad out of you.
It's all right to cry,
It might make you feel better."

I have recently learned through work trainings, books, life experience, etc that as a culture, crying isn't necessarily "welcome," particularly with small children. That the goal tends to be "stop crying." Granted if the child is crying so hard that he or she can't breathe, redirection is likely encouraged! If not, it's all right to cry!!!!

However, I'm learning a new direction other than getting the child to "stop crying." I'm learning to encourage crying, or at least understand why they are crying! Sometimes the reason for crying can surprise you..... A couple of examples.

A child in my class had a hard morning-waiting for turn with a toy he desperately wanted, falling down outside, etc. So when it came time for lunch, and he was waiting in line for his colored lunch tray, he didn't get the color he wanted, the tears started to come. I knew that he didn't care that much about the color tray he got, it was just one more disappointment. I took him out in the hallway, gave him a hug and simply said, "You've had a hard day, haven't you?" We talked for just a minute or two, then he was ready to go back to lunch get his tray, eat lunch, etc.

A young girl fell down outside and scraped her hand. Truthfully, the scrape was very minor from a factual standpoint. From an emotional standpoint though, the scrape was a lot worse. She begged for a bandaid yet every time I got near her hand with a bandaid, she'd cry and scream. I suggested she close her eyes, she said, "No, because I'll still feel it!!!!" I gently embraced her, told her I knew she was scared, that she thought it would hurt, and especially that it was Ok to be scared. That she didn't need to have a bandaid. Feeling understood she stopped crying a couple minutes later, and let me put the bandaid on. I asked her, "Do you want to cry some more? It's OK, if you need to." She smiled, said no, and went off to play.

In conclusion, it's all right to cry! It's all right to encourage crying. Remember that the cause for tears may often be just the tip of frustrations that can seem huge to a child. Acknowledge how they feel.
These tips work for adults as well!!!!

Brighter In the Morning

"Things will seem brighter in the morning." I don't know/remember when I first heard/read this statement, and it doesn't really matter. But.....in the midst of some of the most (till now-hence the absence of blogging) "challenging" times in my life I find myself repeating this to myself more and more. Reminding myself that it's usually not worth distressing about/trying to solve until morning because SO much of the time, things truly do seem, "Brighter in the Morning."