No Space at the Playdoh Table-An Analogy in Anxiety

One of the favorite activity areas in my classroom is the playdoh table, where children can squeeze, squish, roll and pinch the colored salt dough to their hearts content. However, to maintain control and reduce the amount of fighting and playdoh that ends up on the floor, only six children can be at the playdoh table at one time. When the chairs are full, they need to choose another place to play. To help them remember, there are six brightly colored letters affixed to the table, and six chairs adjacent to those letters. There is also a timer that is set and children are taught that when the timer goes off, it is time to go play in a new area.

Recently, a child was determined to play at the full table no matter what! He would drag a chair over from another table, plop down and go to town! I explained to him that there was space for 6 chairs, each child was in a chair, there was not space for another chair. I showed him the timer, showed him how it was moving closer to zero, and when it rang he would be able to play there. But until he heard the timer, he needed to choose another place to play.

I tried to get him reengaged in a variety of activities- reading books, painting, block building, etc. but the second I turned my back he was back at the table with his chair, ready to play. This was repeated multiple times during a 10 minute period. Such creativity and persistence!

How does this relate to anxiety? While he was so focused on the playdoh, he missed out on a lot of other fun opportunities during that 10 minute wait! Such can be the case with my anxiety-I get so focused on worrying about a situation that I miss out on a lot of other good things while just waiting for things to play out. Just as the timer for playdoh goes off and the situation changes, so it is with anxiety situations. I was trying to think about a situation where my anxiety benefited me- and I couldn't think of a single one!

Anxiety happens-it can't ever be completely avoided. But may we all remember the things we could be missing while we are worrying! And just waiting for the timer to go off.....

How I Go to Sleep

I'm not the best sleeper in the world. I never have been. Difficulty sleeping is common for someone with a brain injury. The typical sleep pattern has been disrupted, The brain does not "self-calm" as a healthy brain would, so it's much more difficult to unwind before going to bed and go back to sleep if you wake up during the middle of the night.



For several months, I was pretty consistently taking 2 tylenol pm's a night. Not my best-ever decision. It wasn't so much that I couldn't fall asleep without them but that the act of going to sleep just seemed like so much "work" and I didn't feel like going through the hassle of it.



However, after much trial and error I have found a routine that works very well for me, allows me to fall asleep on my own without a sleep aid. Here it is:

-Get some form of exercise during the day whether it's running, walking, pilates, etc.

-Run the air conditioner or fan for an hour or so before I go to bed to cool down the bedroom

-Clean up my home (hang up clothes, load the dishwasher, etc. Nothing too big. It's tempting to say I'm too tired and I'll do it in the morning but there's rarely time in the morning! Plus, I'd rather wake up to cleanliness than to clutter and it's one less thing to do when I wake up)



-Write in my journal or make a list of all the things I'm grateful for that day

-Read a book or magazine in the chair by my bed



Finally,I don't get into bed until I'm ready to go sleep. This can be a challenging one. Sometimes I think, "But I have to bed, asleep, by this time to get this much sleep or else," however until I am good and ready to fall asleep, getting into bed has proved somewhat useless for me. I just try to ignore the time and enjoy the book or magazine I'm reading.



This is not foolproof, I still have nights where I sleep less than I would like, nights when I'm wide awake in the middle of the night. I keep a few benadryl on hand for sleep emergencies. But poor nights of sleep have become much less rare since I got into a routine. Find what routine works for you! What have you tried that has been beneficial for you? I would really like to know!

Coordination-Or Lack Thereof

For as long as I can recall hand-eye coordination and myself have not been close friends. Coordination is a common challenge/symptom of one who has sustained a brain injury. There is a lot of brain processing required that requires time and is taxing on the brain. For example, think about trying to catch a football. You have to be aware of where the ball is, position yourself, make any necessary adjustments, all with a matter of seconds. The advice of "keep your eye on the ball!" Is just not advice to compensate for the neurological struggles. It's truly different from the typical human struggle of not being good at sports.

I try to take advantage of opportunities to participate in sports with my friends and I do enjoy, but overall, it's just not my thing! I don't know that I have ever bowled above a 75, I strike out at softball 98% of the time, miss free throws and drop footballs and frisbees. Not trying to be hard on myself, just makng an accurate observation here.

However, something that has been etched in my mind during the years of therapy and overall brain injury is this: there are always options! In my case, getting a group of friends together at the park with some balls is not really for me! But that doesn't mean that I abandon all forms of athleticism and socializing with my friends. I just try new things! And even better, I discover that I can do them well!

For example, I discovered that I love to run, something that requires much less coordination for me. It's allowed me to challenge myself to run the 5k, 10k, 1/2 marathon. To be able to complete 6.2 miles in just 58 minutes-something I am very proud of! And hiking has become an extension of running/walking, a new favorite. I discovered I can do a 17 mile hike in a matter of hours and still feel somewhat human afterwords! And doing those as a means of socialization? Simple. I have friends that I train with and we do races together, or there's a group friends planning a day hike.

The point of this post is not to seek sympathy for my lack of coordination or to get lauded for what skills I do posses. Rather the point is this, when living with a brain injury, don't let challenges trip you up from doing things you enjoy. A challenge doesn't mean that you need to abandon the endeavor, it just means you may need to find another option of doing it! And trust me, they are out there......

Accepting Feedback

I had an interesting experience at work the other day-I teach school. This year I am at a new school. Last Friday, while conversing with my co-teacher, it came up that I had sustained a brain injury. Her response: "You should have told me- you make SO much more sense now!" While I would recommend a more tactful response than "You make SO much more sense now"
her point was valid. There had been behaviors she had noticed but because she did not know about the brain injury, she assumed that something was wrong, that I "couldn't handle the job." Noticed behaviors included: looking down while I was talking to someone, giving blank looks, getting lost in the school, worrying about things that didn't need consideration. Behaviors that make much more sense when a brain injury is factored in.

My initial response: I felt offended and somewhat exposed that something was wrong. I assumed that if someone had noticed these things about me I must not be functioning as well as I thought. I felt like my faults were being pointed out. I tried to find resolution but I spent much of the weekend stewing over it. In conversation with some close friends, they mentioned that the intent of the conversation was most likely not critical, but I didn't believe them.

I was somewhat apprehensive to going back to work on Monday, afraid that people would be "watching" me, that I would have to work extra hard to prove that I could do the job. As it turns out, it was one of my best work days! I came to be grateful for that feedback, believing that it wasn't intended as critical, and realize that it was actually good and accurate feedback. For example, I felt I could converse better when I remembered not to look down and the day was more enjoyable when I would ask myself, "Do I really need to be concerned with this?" and then acting appropriately.

Feedback can be unexpected, painful, truthful, etc. However, if we move past the offense towards the possibilities, it can be very beneficial! Now it's your turn to respond: How would you feel if you were in my shoes? How would you have responded?

Learning Experiences

It's been said to me before that "mistakes are not mistakes. They are learning experiences. The only mistake is if you don't learn from it." I believed in that but couldn't quite put it into practice. I would think "Well, now I know for next time," but it was more of a passing thought.

Also, along with a brain injury comes higher levels of anxiety, perfectionism, guilt, etc. So when there were learning experiences, it was/is harder to separate from all the emotions and just learn and move ahead.

But yesterday, something clicked for me. I recently had a rather..... large..... learning experience, one of those that I was responsible for, consequence of my choices, etc. I had been having a really hard time moving past it, I could have avoided it-why didn't I, etc. Then I realized- without learning experiences, where would be the motivation to change? To ultimately become better and happier? So now because I do know, I can change. And more than just a passing thought.

Here's to learning experiences!!!!!

Conversation Continued....

I had a few additional thoughts about the way I communicate, or how many/most individuals with a brain injury communicate.

-A need to say what is on your mind, even if it may not relate to the current conversation topic. When I have a spontaneous conversation topic, I try to remind myself to inform my conversation partner where that train of thought came from.

-A habit of saying what is on your mind at the first opportunity. This typically occurs when beginning a phone call. It can be tempting to skip the "how are you" part and just launch into the message, the purpose of why you called. I suppose that's why I'm a fan of texting-I can just give the message. The motivation for such communication is not trying to be rude or impatient, but someone with a brain injury has a very difficult time "putting thoughts aside." Rather, conversing or delivering a message can be like a goal to be accomplished.

-Sometimes endng a conversation can also be difficult because the ending is not always the same. Is it a long or a short phone call? Should you be the first one to hang up or not? How do you negotiate the social situation?
Thankfully conversation skills can be improved! Through trial and error, seeking feedback, etc.

Like Talking to a Roller Coaster

I am not the world's most gifted conversationalist. I have lots of valuable things to say (or at least I believe so), it's the give-and-take, attention, parts of the conversation that are a problem for me. The best analogy I can come up with is that talking to me can be like talking to a roller coaster!

For example, I tend to change topics at random, like how a car can jump from one roller coaster track to the other. Sometimes I forget that my friends can't read my mind and know what I'm thinking about when I suddenly bring up a new topic or return to the old one. Or when a friend/family member makes a comment, I hear them, but instead of responding, I give a comment that's related to what's on my mind at the time. Making eye contact is also very challenging for anyone with a brain injury- eye contact can be intimidating and/or just plain hard to stay that focused for an amount of time.

Having a conversation is especially challenging over the telephone because I can't see the other person's facial/body cues to know when they are done speaking. I tend to interrupt, not because I don't care or I'm trying to be rude but because there's less guide to know when it's OK for me to take a turn to talk. As a final example, I tend to forget that it's hard for people to follow me when I'm not paying attention. As a result, I tend to talk to my feet while I'm tying my shoes or inside my purse while I'm looking for something. Kind of like going through a dark tunnel on a rollercoaster.

Thankfully my conversation skills have improved over time. I have self-trained myself to be more aware of my conversation skills. For example, whenever someone tells me something, I count (to myself) to wait for a time to speak and make a comment to acknowledge that I am listening to what they are saying, that it is important to me. Waiting before my roller coaster car jumps tracks.

While I am by no means trying to condone poor conversation skills, keep in mind that they are very hard for hard for someone with a brain injury! Reading non-verbal cues, staying focused, keeping eye contact are not easy. So,when you are in the position of having a conversation with such a person- be kind, be patient. Rather than criticizing help them, guide them in improving their skills.