Behavior Expectations

The day I went back to work after the Holiday break I was giving myself a pep talk-that my student would be wound up, might forget what to do, etc. Basically that it would be a rough couple of days but get through it. Well, I was pleasantly surprised that I had a great week with my preschoolers-and I believe I know a big part of the reason why!

I took a lot of time those first few days to teach and reteach behavior expectations. To remind them how we sit at the "circle" how we walk down the halls with hands to ourselves (more or less) I told them, I modeled, we practiced, etc. Pictures/photos are also an effective teaching tool! I was reminded that children want to do what's expected of them, the key is do they know and understand what is expected of them??? And equally impt, can they perform that behavior?

As a child, I remember going on outings such as plays, concerts, etc and afterwards asking my Mom, "Was I good? Was I good????" I wanted very much to achieve "being good" and wanted to know what "good" looked like and acted like.

As an adult I can still find myself wanting to perform the desired behavior. One of the biggest challenges for me is when the expectations are much looser! I know that might not make sense, isn't it easier when there's less expectations? But in my case, there's less of a guide to follow. And for many years, even now at times, behavior expectations/being good has kind of been "my thing," what I relied on to be OK, to do a good job. Now I have to rely on myself to determine what I want, what's impt to me, and then try to mesh it with the expectations that are present, limited or not.

And as I further learn and explore this idea, one day at a time.....
Have you experienced similar feelings? What was your experience like? Your questions and comments are welcome!

Not Everyone Thinks Like I Do!!!!

I think the title of this post says it all, but..... no matter how many times I learn this, and then re-learn and remember this statement, it is worth it! Remembering can bring a sense of calm and perspective. It can help you to pause and think things through. Perhaps, most importantly, it can help prevent you (or at least me!) from saying things or taking actions that you may later on wish you'd done differently.

I believe this is harder for someone with a brain injury. The logic of my opinion is that it is simply harder to think abstractly, to consider options, etc. My brain can think quite well on a one-way street, in a black and white world! Going beyond that is not necessarily easy! Even though the world and people in it and are not full of black and white, and one-way streets.

But I am recommitting myself to remembering that.... Not Everyone Thinks Like I Do!!!!!

A Lot Like You and Me

Dear Blog Readers,


Here is some more (generic) information about me....


Favorite TV shows: CSI:NY, The Biggest Loser, Man vs Food, Chopped (from the food network)

Favorite Foods: I dont' really have a favorite but I will eat anything except for radishes, beets, grapefruit, green olives. For real.

Favorite Movies: I love black and white classics (the philadelphia story) and movies based on real life (remember the titans)

Things I like to do: exercise, cook, read, hike, blog, take naps, karaoke parties with my friends, shopping on a bargain (I'm all about the clearance racks, people!).

I like to wear: high heels, jewelry, carry a bright colored purse, but love my sweats and sneakers equally as much! I also like to walk around my house wrapped up in a blanket (don't know why)

My personality is: more quirky than polished, and that's OK. I love laughing and making people laugh with spontaneous one-liners. The more I know you, the funnier/relaxed I am.

My family: is LARGE. I'm the youngest of several sibling and have 4x as many nieces and nephews. It has its ups and downs but being an aunt so many times over brings me a lot of joy.

I am: sometimes impatient with life-I tend to take action faster than I need to instead of letting things play out. Caring about other people and try to remember things that are impt to them. I am incredibly determined-I love exceeding expectations and proving people wrong.

I am learning: To give myself more "quiet time" and my own best friend and advocate. To trust myself.

I get concerned with: money/bills, maintaining relationships, having people like me, having a balanced life.

I hope for: improve on my 1/2 marathon time, to buy my first car, write a book based on my blog, get married and have my own children.

The point of this blog was not just an excuse to talk about myself, but rather to make a point. That those with a brain injury, in many cases are a lot like you and me. Having similar likes and dislikes, having hopes and dreams and frustrations. So if you have sustained a brain injury like me, perhaps reading this can help you find something we have in common. Or for a parent reading this maybe this will provide some insight into simply living with a brain injury.

Enjoy! Thoughts, comments, questions, etc are welcome and encouraged! I really do see this blog as an "open book" so please feel free to ask questions or leave comments!

Slow and Steady

Last month, I participated in my 3rd annual sightseeing roadtrip and 10k race. My goal for the race was 54 minutes, besting my PR of 58:05 (though I was very happy with my end time of 57 minutes). A couple of friends came along for the trip, one of them just having completed amazing weight loss and had just participated in her first race a 5k, a week prior. Whereas I have been running for going on 3 years and this was my 6th 10k. (It's my ego coming out.....)

I was thrilled for her success with a time of 1:04:7, but I admit I was surprised, particularly when she said she hadn't needed to stop the whole race. (I didn't stop much, but I did stop occassionally) Intrigued by her success, I asked her how she did it. "Slow and steady," was her response.

A couple weeks later, I decided I wanted to do my 2nd 1/2 marathon in April and really train/prepare for it this time. The first step: practice running slower. It seems kind of counterproductive for race training. After all the goal isn't usually to see how slow you can finish! I had to force myself to maintain a slow pace, but the more I stuck with it, I discovered some things. I felt a lot better running slower, I could run for much longer without needing to stop and most importantly, I was having more fun doing it!!!!

How does this apply to life? All brain injuy effects are not equal, but a definite side effect for me is that I tend to have a habit of "barreling through life" not taking enough time to slow down, stop, think, and most importantly appreciate where I am instead of just thinking, "what's next???" As I discovered with running, the more I slow down in life, my choices and emotions are steadier and there is more fun to be had!

Perhaps the most important point is that I have gone from gunning for a 10 minute mile to embracing a 12 minute mile. And I am completely OK with that.
Think about it......

Consequences of Clutter

Clutter is one of the fastest things to overwhelm me, throw me off, etc. Not that I can't function in clutter, but it throws me off, distracts me and makes it harder to focus on what I need to be doing..... For real. Clutter can come in different forms, too much "stuff" in a given place, like a closet, clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink, stacks of papers, etc.

Here's a few tips I have found to deal with the "consequences of clutter"
-Keep the closet door closed. I have a large walk in closet and though it stays organized (for the most part) it's full of "stuff" I have found that if I keep the door closed unless I need to go in the closet, it helps!
-Give things away- to friends, family, charities, thrift stores, etc. Purging items is helpful, but I feel better about giving it away if I know it's helping to fullfill a need

-Clean up my apt before I go to bed. Put away random items in the living room, load the dishwasher, fold clothes from the dryer, hang up clothes I wore that day, etc. It may sound like a lot, but I find that if I just get in and get it done, it's worth it and it gets done fast! I sleep better knowing that it's done, and then I wake up more relaxed in the morning without thinking/seeing what I need to do before I leave for work.
-Make things easy to put away. Cleaning up after myself is half the battle! But the easier it is to put it away, the more likely I am to do it, the better I feel!

-Think before I buy. Plan and buy only groceries I need (too much food makes me feel overwhelmed and somewhat anxious-using it up before it goes bad) Think what "pleasure" items I buy (books, clothes, shoes, etc) and do I have space for it? For example, if there's not room for another pair of shoes on my shoe rack, I need to consider donating a pair to charity.

Your thoughts? What has helped YOU to control the clutter? Has it been a challenge for you, as well? Your thoughts are welcome and encouraged!!!!

It's All Right to Cry

The lyrics to one of my favorite songs from "Sesame St"
"It's all right to cry,
Crying gets the sad out of you.
It's all right to cry,
It might make you feel better."

I have recently learned through work trainings, books, life experience, etc that as a culture, crying isn't necessarily "welcome," particularly with small children. That the goal tends to be "stop crying." Granted if the child is crying so hard that he or she can't breathe, redirection is likely encouraged! If not, it's all right to cry!!!!

However, I'm learning a new direction other than getting the child to "stop crying." I'm learning to encourage crying, or at least understand why they are crying! Sometimes the reason for crying can surprise you..... A couple of examples.

A child in my class had a hard morning-waiting for turn with a toy he desperately wanted, falling down outside, etc. So when it came time for lunch, and he was waiting in line for his colored lunch tray, he didn't get the color he wanted, the tears started to come. I knew that he didn't care that much about the color tray he got, it was just one more disappointment. I took him out in the hallway, gave him a hug and simply said, "You've had a hard day, haven't you?" We talked for just a minute or two, then he was ready to go back to lunch get his tray, eat lunch, etc.

A young girl fell down outside and scraped her hand. Truthfully, the scrape was very minor from a factual standpoint. From an emotional standpoint though, the scrape was a lot worse. She begged for a bandaid yet every time I got near her hand with a bandaid, she'd cry and scream. I suggested she close her eyes, she said, "No, because I'll still feel it!!!!" I gently embraced her, told her I knew she was scared, that she thought it would hurt, and especially that it was Ok to be scared. That she didn't need to have a bandaid. Feeling understood she stopped crying a couple minutes later, and let me put the bandaid on. I asked her, "Do you want to cry some more? It's OK, if you need to." She smiled, said no, and went off to play.

In conclusion, it's all right to cry! It's all right to encourage crying. Remember that the cause for tears may often be just the tip of frustrations that can seem huge to a child. Acknowledge how they feel.
These tips work for adults as well!!!!

Brighter In the Morning

"Things will seem brighter in the morning." I don't know/remember when I first heard/read this statement, and it doesn't really matter. But.....in the midst of some of the most (till now-hence the absence of blogging) "challenging" times in my life I find myself repeating this to myself more and more. Reminding myself that it's usually not worth distressing about/trying to solve until morning because SO much of the time, things truly do seem, "Brighter in the Morning."