It's All Right to Cry

The lyrics to one of my favorite songs from "Sesame St"
"It's all right to cry,
Crying gets the sad out of you.
It's all right to cry,
It might make you feel better."

I have recently learned through work trainings, books, life experience, etc that as a culture, crying isn't necessarily "welcome," particularly with small children. That the goal tends to be "stop crying." Granted if the child is crying so hard that he or she can't breathe, redirection is likely encouraged! If not, it's all right to cry!!!!

However, I'm learning a new direction other than getting the child to "stop crying." I'm learning to encourage crying, or at least understand why they are crying! Sometimes the reason for crying can surprise you..... A couple of examples.

A child in my class had a hard morning-waiting for turn with a toy he desperately wanted, falling down outside, etc. So when it came time for lunch, and he was waiting in line for his colored lunch tray, he didn't get the color he wanted, the tears started to come. I knew that he didn't care that much about the color tray he got, it was just one more disappointment. I took him out in the hallway, gave him a hug and simply said, "You've had a hard day, haven't you?" We talked for just a minute or two, then he was ready to go back to lunch get his tray, eat lunch, etc.

A young girl fell down outside and scraped her hand. Truthfully, the scrape was very minor from a factual standpoint. From an emotional standpoint though, the scrape was a lot worse. She begged for a bandaid yet every time I got near her hand with a bandaid, she'd cry and scream. I suggested she close her eyes, she said, "No, because I'll still feel it!!!!" I gently embraced her, told her I knew she was scared, that she thought it would hurt, and especially that it was Ok to be scared. That she didn't need to have a bandaid. Feeling understood she stopped crying a couple minutes later, and let me put the bandaid on. I asked her, "Do you want to cry some more? It's OK, if you need to." She smiled, said no, and went off to play.

In conclusion, it's all right to cry! It's all right to encourage crying. Remember that the cause for tears may often be just the tip of frustrations that can seem huge to a child. Acknowledge how they feel.
These tips work for adults as well!!!!