In recent, I became aware of certain behaviors that I wanted/needed to change. Certain degress of this behavior did affect other people. No one was hurt or offended by my behaviors, I wasn't in danger, etc., I just became more aware and wanted to change.
My initial reaction(s) was embarrassment-that I could have acted in such a way, not known better, made better choices, etc. What followed was some definite "alone time" of a couple days without pressures of being around other people, possible judgements, etc. I needed to be alone with myself and my thoughts and assess where I was at, where I wanted to go and how I wanted to get there. At moments, the embarrassment did feel painful, although not all-consuming.
BUT....as I began to be brave and make changes, venture out of my comfort zone, I noticed some things. (1)I wasn't embarrassed anymore! (2)As I had changed, moved on, etc. I could look back and reflect with a MUCH greater appreciation for where I was currently, because I knew so well where I had been!
Life is full of adventures- in learning and otherwise!!!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Something that helps me sleep
I've long had the thought that my bed is the MOST comfortable when I have to get out of it-to wake up, go to work, etc. It felt like a bed from a hotel-soft, comfortable, warm, etc. However, when laying in bed at night trying to fall asleep, or trying to go back to sleep, my bed felt much less comfortable!
Essentially, my mind felt like a giant stopwatch- "if I go to bed by this time, then i'll get 3 hours of sleep. If i don't fall asleep until this time, I'll only get 2 1/2 hrs of sleep." I had a LOT of anxiety about "what if I don't get enough sleep?" In my mind, lack of sleep would set off a chain of events for the next day-I'd be ornery, wouldn't want to do as much, wouldn't eat as well, etc. So by the time I'd built all this up in my mind, I'd made it much harder to go to sleep!!!!
Eventually it clicked in my mind that the bed felt so comfortable when I woke up, was the SAME bed I used to go to sleep! So now, when I'm trying to get to sleep, I give myself a pep talk of sorts. I tell myself that it's OK if I don't go to sleep right away. I tell myself that in the meantime I'll enjoy my big, soft pillow, my silky sheets, the blanket that my grandma made years ago. And yes, if you happen to be in my room when I'm going to sleep you really will hear me saying these things to myself!
The point is that by focusing more on how comfortable my bed feels, I feel more relaxed and I'm able to get to sleep. I even discovered that I enjoy the process of relaxing in my bed while trying to fall asleep!
Essentially, my mind felt like a giant stopwatch- "if I go to bed by this time, then i'll get 3 hours of sleep. If i don't fall asleep until this time, I'll only get 2 1/2 hrs of sleep." I had a LOT of anxiety about "what if I don't get enough sleep?" In my mind, lack of sleep would set off a chain of events for the next day-I'd be ornery, wouldn't want to do as much, wouldn't eat as well, etc. So by the time I'd built all this up in my mind, I'd made it much harder to go to sleep!!!!
Eventually it clicked in my mind that the bed felt so comfortable when I woke up, was the SAME bed I used to go to sleep! So now, when I'm trying to get to sleep, I give myself a pep talk of sorts. I tell myself that it's OK if I don't go to sleep right away. I tell myself that in the meantime I'll enjoy my big, soft pillow, my silky sheets, the blanket that my grandma made years ago. And yes, if you happen to be in my room when I'm going to sleep you really will hear me saying these things to myself!
The point is that by focusing more on how comfortable my bed feels, I feel more relaxed and I'm able to get to sleep. I even discovered that I enjoy the process of relaxing in my bed while trying to fall asleep!
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