Anxious Behavior

Recently I was visiting with a friend who told me about a family member of hers who was trying to kick the habit of "hoarding" The individual admitted that she was a "hoarder," buying things to quell her anxiety.


I believe that anxiety can influence a lot of different behaviors, particuarly those that we engage in during full-on anxiety. The behavior serves to distract from the anxiety-if you deny a problem, there is none! Or just simply engaging in behavior that is not overly constructive, but you do it to try and make the anxiety go away.


I found this conversation rather fascinating because it got me thinking about what I do in my bouts of anxiety. It made me want to know what behavior I engage in to deny the anxiety or try to make it go away.


I discovered that in my high moments of anxiety, I engage in technology/entertainment. I watch more consecutive tv shows, check my e-mail more often, spend more time on facebook, etc. There are other, perhaps more constructive behaviors I could engage in such as reading a book, exercising, cooking, etc. but I tend to choose the "technology/entertainment" because for me, it seems to require less "brain power" and more "distraction"


Email, tv, facebook, etc are great in moderation. The problem is that when my anxiety hits I tend to spend too much time engaged in those activities, just waiting for the anxiety to pass. One 1/2 hr tv turns into 2 hours, I'm rechecking facebook to see if any of my friends have updated their status.


And really, all those behaviors do is overstimulate my brain. Next time, I feel anxious, my goal is to pick up a book, cook something at the stove, put on running shoes, find a more constructive outlet for dealing wtih my anxiety, one that will leave me feeling less overstimulated in the end.

Questions??? Comments????
Thanks for reading!!!

It's Not All About Me!!!!

As mentioned in a previous post, I tend to have guilt involving other people and their feelings. Working on kicking that habit! Anyway....

For example, when someone close to me, a good friend, roommate, sibling, etc. is out of sorts, seems upset around me, etc. my thoughts tend to jump to what I did/could have done to upset that individual. What do I ned to change?

However, my sister taught me an impt lesson regarding this type of scenario. It's not all about me! When my focus is on "what did I do, how did I affect the other person," I'm not necessarily concerned about them or trying to help them. I'm trying to make sure I stay on their "good side" Recently, I had an experience where things seemed out of sorts with someone close to me. Out of the blue, unusual kind of behavior for this friend. Trying to heed my sister's advice, I laid low, just let things pass and within 48 hrs things were back to normal!

So,when having anxiety about relationships remember this, "It's not all about you!" Remembering this has certainly worked for me!

Focus on What You Can Control

I have a very wise and loving sister, "Elizabeth." We talk about lots of things in life and one piece of advice that has stuck with me over time is "Focus on what YOU can control." Don't waste energy on what you can't change.

So, in light of the previous post, instead of being concerned with being a "good enough" friend I am instead putting my energy into ways that I CAN be a good friend. I can still call, text, send cards and invite them over to dinner.

The advice to "focus on what you can control" has helped me a lot. It applies to many different situations and it gives me new perspective, helps me to focus on the positive and invest my energy into the "doing."

What pieces of advice have been helpful for you????

Choosing Limits

A bit of background, for various reasons, brain injury being a small part of that, I don't have a car of my own to drive. My friends are great at giving me rides, helping me to get places, etc without a word of complaint. I try to be considerate of their schedule, treat them to lunch or dinner, etc.

My friends are also good, kind people who care about one another and want to help them. Recently I heard about several acts of kindness done to friends with the use of a car (ie taking to a dr's appt, bringing them balloons, and more). I felt bad, wishing that I could do more to be a better friend, that I could have more opportunities to show my friends that I cared. (I share this because I know that we all, at one time or another wish we were more, better, etc).

I began to wonder if I was a poor friend, selfish with my time when I could be doing more. But let's face it when your option is your feet, it's harder to get stuff done and share it with others. I wanted SO much for my friends to know how I cared, and hoped that they knew it.... I was concerned that maybe I wasn't doing enough to repay all that they do for me.

But I did begin to make a list of good things I do/did whether for friends or not..... Here's some of what I discovered: attended a wedding reception, helped my parents in the yard, sent a text to a friend that I was thinking of, hosting a celebratory party for a friend, baby-sitting for neices and nephew. It was a nice change to think good things about myself instead of being so hard on myself.

And.... I realized something else-very important and very true!!! You are only as limited as you choose to be!!!

Something to think about.

Embarrassment and Appreciation

In recent, I became aware of certain behaviors that I wanted/needed to change. Certain degress of this behavior did affect other people. No one was hurt or offended by my behaviors, I wasn't in danger, etc., I just became more aware and wanted to change.

My initial reaction(s) was embarrassment-that I could have acted in such a way, not known better, made better choices, etc. What followed was some definite "alone time" of a couple days without pressures of being around other people, possible judgements, etc. I needed to be alone with myself and my thoughts and assess where I was at, where I wanted to go and how I wanted to get there. At moments, the embarrassment did feel painful, although not all-consuming.

BUT....as I began to be brave and make changes, venture out of my comfort zone, I noticed some things. (1)I wasn't embarrassed anymore! (2)As I had changed, moved on, etc. I could look back and reflect with a MUCH greater appreciation for where I was currently, because I knew so well where I had been!

Life is full of adventures- in learning and otherwise!!!

My Advice to Another with a Brain Injury

The other day as I was walking to work, I was thinking, "If were to meet another person with a brain injury and on the off-chance that they asked me for advice/what had helped me the most, what would I tell them?" I came up with 3 things, and actually, they all complement each other.

#1: Get a good night sleep, consistently. Granted, this is generally NOT easy for someone with a brain injury to accomplish, but when it can be done it pays enormous dividends! On days when I didn't sleep well, I wake up tired, and somewhat slump through the day thinking, "How soon can I go to bed tonight?' Days when I did sleep well, I'm happier and I get more done.

#2: Get regular exercise/physical activity. Regular exercise benefits my physical and mental health and well-being. I look better, I have mor energy, I'm happier with how I look. I'm less stressed and frustrated when I can release my emotions through exercise. Most importantly, I sleep SO much better on nights when I exercised during the day. I sleep deeper and longer.

#3: Being grateful especially for the small things in life. On my other blog, I started doing a post every day of things I was grateful for that day and it has made a huge difference for me. There are parts of life that I may wish were different, less challenging, etc but when I look back on all the good from that day, I find myself thinking, "How can I be upset with so much good in my life?"

How to do these things- as I don't believe any of them are easy to do.......
1-develop a sleep routine that works for you and stick to it. Get exercise/activity during the day
2-Find some exercise/activity that you enjoy doing. On days when life is full, make it a game to see how much time you can make for exercise that day. Save a favorite show/song to watch/listen to while you exercise.
3-Make/keep a list of all that you are grateful for so you don't forget! Look for the good. If you look for it, you'll find it!