Moving Beyond using "Don't Worry About It"

Typically, but not always, a brain injury is accompanied by anxiety. Anxiety that can come hard and fast and it is often illogical but very real to the individual. In large part, this anxiety comes from the brains "executive function" being impacted; the part of the brain that reasons, self-calms, etc.

One of the most frustrating parts of living with severe anxiety or caring for someone with severe anxiety is that it can be controlling and consuming. As a child I was terrified by the idea of being late to school (coming in late, kids looking at me, asking me questions, etc)  and so the time preceding leaving for school, I was near useless to complete tasks, have a conversation, etc even with my mom right there, having the oven timer set, etc.

I approach this as someone who lives with anxiety (today is much, much reduced) but also am educator who spends time with children and anxiety. It can be hard and frustrating to repeat yourself, try to get a child to focus, attempt to reassure without avail. Trust me, I understand both sides! But here is one simple suggestion: avoid using the phrase "don't worry about it" The use of "don't worry about it" is often well-intentioned! The adult is trying to reassure the child, let them know it's going to be OK, the situation is not as bad or severe as it is in their heads. This would be great if a simple "don't worry about it" was all it took for a child with brain injury to calm, to de-escalate, etc. Unfortunately, it's not.

As a child, I hated hearing "don't worry about it" because it did little to calm my fears and it sometimes felt "dismissive" like my fears were not important and nobody was listening to me. Again, I know that phrase was used with good intentions! Here is a simple strategy to move beyond "don't worry about it" and to more effectively calm fears. Add a "because...." To the end of the sentence. For example, "you don't need to worry about (not being picked up from carpool/swim lessons) because I talked to Joe's mom. She knows what time to pick up you and Joe and she put a reminder in her
phone." Or "you don't need to worry about (being late to the game at a new location) because I am planning to leave early in case of bad traffic and I have the directions in my phone and printed out."

Adding "because" is not magic or foolproof but it does help reduce anxiety because it gives children something specific that they can know and rely on and subsequently ease anxiety. If they get nervous again, they can remember, "Mom or Dad are doing this specific thing to help the situation be successful." As an adult, I use the "because" as well. "I don't need to worry about this because I called and talked to this person at this company and" "I don't need to worry about it because the store is open until and I can go...."

What strategies in dealing with anxiety have been effective for you?
Questions/comments are welcome!

Benefits of Using Headphones

For me, using Headphones is a fairly standard occurrence because they block out noises and distractions and keep focused on what I need to do. There are two main places where I like to use headphones; when I am using public transportation and when I am at the dentists office.

While on public transit it can be easy for someone with a brain injury to get overstimulated. You are siting in close proximity to strangers. There are several different sounds going on; people talking to one another, people talking on their phones people with headphones and music playing at maximum volume. Having my headphones and listening to something of my choosing helps me to drown out other noises or things that could make me uncomfortable and keeps me focused on enjoying the ride to work.

That being said, using headphones are not automatic. Sometimes the bus or train is quiet or sometimes I do want to visit with the person sitting next to me.  But I like knowing that if the noise level gets too high or if the bus is exceptionally crowded; I have an option to help me deal with it!

The other place I like to use headphones is at the dentists office. The most uncomfortable part of that experience for me is the sounds of the various tools being used on my teeth. Adding to that discomfort are the bright lights and peoples hands in my mouth. When I was young I was always offered a Walkman and headphones to use during the appointment. But as I got older, they were offered to me less and I forgot to ask for them.

Within the past year I started downloading an audiobook on my phone and taking my headphones with me to my dentist appts. What a difference! I can still hear and have an awareness of what is going on but rather than my brain trying to process everything at once while my discomfort level is rising, I am focused on enjoying my book.

How has using headphones benefitted you or someone you know? Questions/comments welcome!