Social Struggles

Having social struggles is nothing new for me. As a child through a teenager, while most of my peers were excitedly awaiting recess and/or lunch break as a chance to see and visit with their friends, I dreaded it. Why? Because it meant a span of time when I would be in large social settings and I would need to find someone to eat with or else be alone. I could usually find someone eat with that I happened to know and wouldn't care if I sat by them. Unfortunately, this typically meant that they wouldn't care if I wasn't there, either.

My lunchtime troubles were elevated my junior year of high school when my family moved to a new country and continent. I don't know that words can adequately describe what it was like to be living so far from home for the first time and attending school in a foreign country. Yet I still managed to thrive in that environment by participating in extracurricular activities. This strategy may not work for everyone, adding one more thing to a schedule might be too overwhelming, but for me it really worked! It led to leadership opportunities, responsibilities during lunchtime and even if my peers and I were not friends outside of club activities it gave us a connection and let me feel like I belonged.

Post-high school I needed a new strategy. I needed support for how to negotiate social situations- what to say, how to react, etc. I asked my sister to become my "social coach" and even today we discuss, we role-play and she gives me feedback, at my request. Recently, I wanted to have dinner with my friends to celebrate my grad school graduation. But the first round of invites brought no results and I was sorely disappointed. With my sisters guidance, new invites were sent out, using a new medium of communication, and nine friends accepted! It was a very sweet moment to go from years of eating alone to have so many friends surrounding me and supporting me.