A Small Change

I believe that in living with a brain injury, self-awareness is a crucial factor in success, growth, well-being, etc. Recently I became aware of a small change I needed to make in my own life. The opponent: the television. It wasn't as though I was a couch potato 24/7, with a full-time job, physically and socially active. And though I did watch a fair amount, my main concern was "when" I was choosing to veg out and watch tv.

I noticed it especially occuring when I was stressed and/or anxious, as a way to "pass the time" until I could go to bed, the moment passed, etc. I also noticed I especially watched when I wasn't sure what else to do with my time. Sort of like my brain (and I) didn't want to go through the process of "what should I do now?"

I am by no means trying to axe television watching. There have been many times when the vegging out with a shoe has been a useful strategy for me. But I was curious to see if I could reduce the amount of tv time. Truthfully, I wasn't sure if I could! But I set out with just one goal: before I sat down to watch tv, take a couple of minutes and figure out if there was something else I needed/wanted to do instead. To help me with this goal I made sure I had cookbooks with new recipes (to occupy my time cooking) new books from the library, and a couple of other activities.

It took some time but I did begin to see results! I noticed that making the change wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. I noticed that I could manage activities, phases, etc without having the tv on. (ie when I was cooking dinner) I found my motivation to watch tv decreased and I didn't feel the "buzz" in my head/body after I knew I'd had a noise/stimulation overdose. I found more things I enjoyed doing or needed to get done. Also, I found that since tv wasn't an automatic time filler, the times when I did watch tv, I enjoyed it so much more!

Any small change success stories you would like to share? Strategies, ideas that helped you???

Breaks-An additonal example

To follow-up on the last blog post ("needing and taking breaks") here is additional example. From Christmas 3 or so years ago, events recalled to the best of my ability.... I love this example because I think it illustrates so well the "need" to communicate and the benefits of doing so!

It had been a good Christmas day. It was just me and my parents, my siblings were all with their own families or in-laws. We opened gifts, then took lots of gifts to the family we'd "sponsored" for Christmas. Had fun delivering gifts, visiting with them, and playing with the kids. Then onto Grandpa's house for Mom and Dad to deliver and install the new tv they'd gotten him for Christmas. I think I fell asleep on the floor for a few minutes until my Dad woke me up to ask me if the ice skater on tv was Michelle Kwan. (That part I DO remember)

We headed back home, late afternoon, delivering a few last minute neighbor gifts and I was hoping for some "alone time" to read the new book I'd gotten that morning. So when my Mom got a call that my brother and family were coming over to visit I was a bit disappointed..... I loved spending time with them but it had just been a busy, emotional day and I was done for a while. And in my mind, with people coming over, there were "behavior expectations" Which I didn't think sitting in your room alone aligned with....

I got pretty quiet in the car and somehow it came that it wasn't that I didn't want them to come over, I just needed a break! And once that was out, that was it. My mom understood and I wasn't keeping it inside. I don't think I spent more than 20 minutes or so alone in my room, reading, but I did get a break. And because of the communication there was little if any misunderstanding. My mom knew that I wanted to be alone because I needed a break, not because I was upset, depressed, otherwise distressed. I knew that i had as much time as I needed to regroup without having to "hurry" and rejoin the gathering.

Needing/Getting a Break

For me, one of the effects of living with a brain injury is that I am more easily overwhelmed and overstimulated. As such I like to, need to take breaks. (the rationale for taking breaks varies) More importantly, I like to know "when" the break is coming. Sometimes I get anxious if I don't when there will be a "break," an "out," etc.

The situations vary. For example, in the middle of the workday, I can excuse myself to get a drink, a bathroom break, but I can't just say, "I'm done now,"and leave my assistant and students to fend for themselves. I understand that those kind of situations are just part of life! And I need to adapt to it the best I can.

But there are times when a break is an option, and I have learned some strategies that have made that break transition easier. I'll use the example of spending the holidays at home with my parents (their home, not mine). Since it is a break from my work, my main goal tends to be relaxation. Sleep in, read, chill, watch tv, etc. However, sometimes my Mom (or my Dad) needs my help with things around the house or other to-do holiday tasks. And that's OK! I like to help. But I also like to know about breaks, what the schedule for the day will roughly look like.

And so, I ask. I ask my Mom what she thinks she might need my help with that day and when she thinks she might need it. I tell her the things I want to get done that day and so we can work it out for both of us. I'm more relaxed, I feel like I know more about what I am getting into and I know what I have to look forward to. I also know that it's less likely that I will have just fallen asleep and suddenly something else comes up.

Again, this does not apply to all scenarios in life. But I have found that when there is some flexibility, asking can go a long way!

Your thoughts????

Behavior Expectations

The day I went back to work after the Holiday break I was giving myself a pep talk-that my student would be wound up, might forget what to do, etc. Basically that it would be a rough couple of days but get through it. Well, I was pleasantly surprised that I had a great week with my preschoolers-and I believe I know a big part of the reason why!

I took a lot of time those first few days to teach and reteach behavior expectations. To remind them how we sit at the "circle" how we walk down the halls with hands to ourselves (more or less) I told them, I modeled, we practiced, etc. Pictures/photos are also an effective teaching tool! I was reminded that children want to do what's expected of them, the key is do they know and understand what is expected of them??? And equally impt, can they perform that behavior?

As a child, I remember going on outings such as plays, concerts, etc and afterwards asking my Mom, "Was I good? Was I good????" I wanted very much to achieve "being good" and wanted to know what "good" looked like and acted like.

As an adult I can still find myself wanting to perform the desired behavior. One of the biggest challenges for me is when the expectations are much looser! I know that might not make sense, isn't it easier when there's less expectations? But in my case, there's less of a guide to follow. And for many years, even now at times, behavior expectations/being good has kind of been "my thing," what I relied on to be OK, to do a good job. Now I have to rely on myself to determine what I want, what's impt to me, and then try to mesh it with the expectations that are present, limited or not.

And as I further learn and explore this idea, one day at a time.....
Have you experienced similar feelings? What was your experience like? Your questions and comments are welcome!

Not Everyone Thinks Like I Do!!!!

I think the title of this post says it all, but..... no matter how many times I learn this, and then re-learn and remember this statement, it is worth it! Remembering can bring a sense of calm and perspective. It can help you to pause and think things through. Perhaps, most importantly, it can help prevent you (or at least me!) from saying things or taking actions that you may later on wish you'd done differently.

I believe this is harder for someone with a brain injury. The logic of my opinion is that it is simply harder to think abstractly, to consider options, etc. My brain can think quite well on a one-way street, in a black and white world! Going beyond that is not necessarily easy! Even though the world and people in it and are not full of black and white, and one-way streets.

But I am recommitting myself to remembering that.... Not Everyone Thinks Like I Do!!!!!

A Lot Like You and Me

Dear Blog Readers,


Here is some more (generic) information about me....


Favorite TV shows: CSI:NY, The Biggest Loser, Man vs Food, Chopped (from the food network)

Favorite Foods: I dont' really have a favorite but I will eat anything except for radishes, beets, grapefruit, green olives. For real.

Favorite Movies: I love black and white classics (the philadelphia story) and movies based on real life (remember the titans)

Things I like to do: exercise, cook, read, hike, blog, take naps, karaoke parties with my friends, shopping on a bargain (I'm all about the clearance racks, people!).

I like to wear: high heels, jewelry, carry a bright colored purse, but love my sweats and sneakers equally as much! I also like to walk around my house wrapped up in a blanket (don't know why)

My personality is: more quirky than polished, and that's OK. I love laughing and making people laugh with spontaneous one-liners. The more I know you, the funnier/relaxed I am.

My family: is LARGE. I'm the youngest of several sibling and have 4x as many nieces and nephews. It has its ups and downs but being an aunt so many times over brings me a lot of joy.

I am: sometimes impatient with life-I tend to take action faster than I need to instead of letting things play out. Caring about other people and try to remember things that are impt to them. I am incredibly determined-I love exceeding expectations and proving people wrong.

I am learning: To give myself more "quiet time" and my own best friend and advocate. To trust myself.

I get concerned with: money/bills, maintaining relationships, having people like me, having a balanced life.

I hope for: improve on my 1/2 marathon time, to buy my first car, write a book based on my blog, get married and have my own children.

The point of this blog was not just an excuse to talk about myself, but rather to make a point. That those with a brain injury, in many cases are a lot like you and me. Having similar likes and dislikes, having hopes and dreams and frustrations. So if you have sustained a brain injury like me, perhaps reading this can help you find something we have in common. Or for a parent reading this maybe this will provide some insight into simply living with a brain injury.

Enjoy! Thoughts, comments, questions, etc are welcome and encouraged! I really do see this blog as an "open book" so please feel free to ask questions or leave comments!

Slow and Steady

Last month, I participated in my 3rd annual sightseeing roadtrip and 10k race. My goal for the race was 54 minutes, besting my PR of 58:05 (though I was very happy with my end time of 57 minutes). A couple of friends came along for the trip, one of them just having completed amazing weight loss and had just participated in her first race a 5k, a week prior. Whereas I have been running for going on 3 years and this was my 6th 10k. (It's my ego coming out.....)

I was thrilled for her success with a time of 1:04:7, but I admit I was surprised, particularly when she said she hadn't needed to stop the whole race. (I didn't stop much, but I did stop occassionally) Intrigued by her success, I asked her how she did it. "Slow and steady," was her response.

A couple weeks later, I decided I wanted to do my 2nd 1/2 marathon in April and really train/prepare for it this time. The first step: practice running slower. It seems kind of counterproductive for race training. After all the goal isn't usually to see how slow you can finish! I had to force myself to maintain a slow pace, but the more I stuck with it, I discovered some things. I felt a lot better running slower, I could run for much longer without needing to stop and most importantly, I was having more fun doing it!!!!

How does this apply to life? All brain injuy effects are not equal, but a definite side effect for me is that I tend to have a habit of "barreling through life" not taking enough time to slow down, stop, think, and most importantly appreciate where I am instead of just thinking, "what's next???" As I discovered with running, the more I slow down in life, my choices and emotions are steadier and there is more fun to be had!

Perhaps the most important point is that I have gone from gunning for a 10 minute mile to embracing a 12 minute mile. And I am completely OK with that.
Think about it......

Consequences of Clutter

Clutter is one of the fastest things to overwhelm me, throw me off, etc. Not that I can't function in clutter, but it throws me off, distracts me and makes it harder to focus on what I need to be doing..... For real. Clutter can come in different forms, too much "stuff" in a given place, like a closet, clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink, stacks of papers, etc.

Here's a few tips I have found to deal with the "consequences of clutter"
-Keep the closet door closed. I have a large walk in closet and though it stays organized (for the most part) it's full of "stuff" I have found that if I keep the door closed unless I need to go in the closet, it helps!
-Give things away- to friends, family, charities, thrift stores, etc. Purging items is helpful, but I feel better about giving it away if I know it's helping to fullfill a need

-Clean up my apt before I go to bed. Put away random items in the living room, load the dishwasher, fold clothes from the dryer, hang up clothes I wore that day, etc. It may sound like a lot, but I find that if I just get in and get it done, it's worth it and it gets done fast! I sleep better knowing that it's done, and then I wake up more relaxed in the morning without thinking/seeing what I need to do before I leave for work.
-Make things easy to put away. Cleaning up after myself is half the battle! But the easier it is to put it away, the more likely I am to do it, the better I feel!

-Think before I buy. Plan and buy only groceries I need (too much food makes me feel overwhelmed and somewhat anxious-using it up before it goes bad) Think what "pleasure" items I buy (books, clothes, shoes, etc) and do I have space for it? For example, if there's not room for another pair of shoes on my shoe rack, I need to consider donating a pair to charity.

Your thoughts? What has helped YOU to control the clutter? Has it been a challenge for you, as well? Your thoughts are welcome and encouraged!!!!