External Help

Recently I have been learning about the external help. There are a lot of things in the world that I would like to do, be better at, learn about, etc. But a combination of the brain injury (needing more to process the steps, lower frustration tolerance level) and life circumstances in general can make it more challenging to learn skills, master them, etc. This is the part where "external help" comes in. Some examples from my own life.

-Recently I started working at the gym I already go to with a personal trainer. I know this is not for everybody, but for me, I have LOVED it. It takes all the "guesswork" out of exercising and strength training. Recently, I ran in another 1/2 marathon (not my first) while I was happy about my finishing time, by far the best part was that I was not sore the next day!!!! I credit a lot of that to my trainer and the strength training exercises she showed me.

-Before I hired a trainer, I would ask friends who had knowledge of strength training to go with me to the gym and show me some strength training exercises I could do
-My mom going with me to buy plants for my garden and giving me tips along the way

-I have a sister who LOVES to organize. She has helped me with many an organizing project. Recently I was on my own to tackle my bedroom and closet but a lot of what she had patiently taught me was still in my head. The result! I love walking into a room and closet that is organized, I breathe a sigh of relief and smile

The point is, as you feel comfortable there are often times many people around you happy to help you, guide you, teach you. Often free of charge, too! Or you can always google "how to" There are some skills too, that are just not for me. No matter how many times I am taught by different people at different times I will likely not get up on waterskis or bowl anything over 86. So be flexible with your goals :)

But if there are such skills you would like to learn, to practice, I would like to encourage you to not be stopped by fear or lack of know how. Chances are there is someone or something out there that would be more than happy to teach/guide you. And when you have learned that skills, it feels fantastic!

Questions? Comments?

One Important Question

When facing anxiety, less desirable situations-I am learning to ask myself One Important Question. "What is the worst that could happen?" When I take time to stop, think and try to create a logical answer, I usually discover that "the worst" really isn't so bad, my fears are somewhat unfounded, etc. Asking myself, "What's the worst that could happen,?" is a question that give me perspective and keeps me grounded.

Make it Fun!

Though I have yet to be a parent, I am an educator by trade and have lived through being a child with a disability. During the summer, I tutor twins who sustained brain injuries (sadly, due to abuse) I have a main rule for myself during tutoring sessions.

For whatever I am teaching-math, reading, science, etc. "Make it FUN! Make it a game!" If it's not fun, I might as well be wasting my time. None of us really enjoy learning via drill/repetition, and even if I may get the point across once, if it wasn't engaging or appealing to them, it is much less likely to stick with them.

I believe that making learning fun is crucial for a child with a brain injury because there is so much that does need to be taught. For a child with a disability, they are much less likely to pick up on cues, learn something just by observing it once, be able to apply it naturally to other concepts/generalize the concept learned. For those reasons, more learning is usually needed so if it can be taught in a fun, engaging way, so much the better!

Give Yourself a Pep Talk

Recently, I celebrated the 4th of July holiday by doing an 8 mile run with a good friend! It may sound crazy to some, I know.... 8 miles was longer than I have run in sometime and I cannot say that all moments were "fun" But we made it through. Together.

My friend set the pace, I followed her, and I gave us the pep talks along the way. Things like "I will NOT throw up here, (eating a cookie before a run, BAD idea) c'mon legs-don't fail us now, it's downhill up ahead-we love downhill!"

As cheesy as those sound(ed) they totally worked! We finished the 8 mile run with smiles, dumped bottles of water over our heads (it was HOT) and felt very accomplished!

I find giving myself "pep talks" is very beneficial as well! Reminding myself of things that I maybe don't want to do, but I know I can do. Tell myself that a short, unpleasant experience will be followed by something much more rewarding. And keep telling myself those things enough that I soon believe it!

Care About Claire Day

Recently I had another "really bad day" Thankfully, this time my emotions didn't spill over onto other but I was truly hurting inside! Just too many emotional events at once! I had support from family and friends, though.

Still working through it the next day, Sunday, I decided to give myself a "Care About Claire Day." This is something I do truly for myself on occassion. I call it by a different name, using my real name, but the idea is the same. I have one goal: only do things that I truly "want" to do. Granted, it's not fool-proof, stuff may come up that needs to be done, but I try to stick to the goal of doing things I want to do.

And this time, I created another goal, to "love myself as much as possible." Rather than be hard on myself to get over it, compare myself, etc. I chose to love myself because I knew I was hurting. Loving myself made a huge difference!

You will want to make your "care day" your own but here is a sampling of activities that I have enjoyed on my various "care days": bake cookies, go for a walk, read a good book, clean/organize, go shopping, try a new recipe, watch a movie, chat with a good friend, nap, long hot shower, play with my nieces and nephews.

And if you may be thinking, "Nice idea, but there's no way I could take that kind of time for myself." Carve out what time you can spare for yourself without adding extra stress. If you could create more time by having someone help you, don't be afraid to ask for that help! People understand.

Happy "Care About Claire Day" and I hope you enjoy celebrating your own "Care Day" It's a Holiday I HIGHLY reccommend!

The Importance of Being Aware

Lately, I've been learning a lot about myself, being aware of what works, what doesn't, etc. These can be difficult lessons to learn at times but I have found some ways to make the learning easier because I've found these lessons to be very valuable!

For me, the best time for learning comes when my routine is "off" The next is to "stop and think." For example, on nights when I expect to sleep well but instead wake up in the middle of the night. I pause to consider my routine. "What did I do/not do before bed? What is happening tomorrow? Are any of these things enough to keep me awake?"

Sometimes the answer surprises me. For example, a sink with a few dirty dishes or some clothes on the closet floor may not seem like much but I have learned that even a minor mess can lead me to go to bed feeling "unfinished" and then I wake up in the middle of the night wanting to clean and "finish the job" Thus, I'm more motivated to do a basic clean-up before going back to bed.

I have also learned what effects my hobbies/exercise habits. I love to run and until a couple months ago, did most of my running inside on my treadmill. This was due to winter, rain, full-time work, etc. Then I started running outside with some friends a couple times a week. Now that school is out for the summer/more free time, I expected to get a lot of treadmill time in. Nope! Now that the weather is (getting warmer) and I've been running outside more, my treadmill has become unappealing to me! I still want/need the exercise but now I plan my schedule for outside runs.

So, final things to consider- your routine: what is typical/what is not? When things are off, what do you want/need to change?
It's not necessarily easy but becoming more aware about yourself can really pay off. Happy learning!!!

Have a Strategy in Place

So.... it's been awhile since I updated this blog. Sorry about that. But it is a new month, with new goals and new energy!

Lately I have learned the impt of having a strategy in place for when life is frustrating, overwhelming, disappointing, etc. Something that when I think to myself, "What am I going to do now to regroup, get through this, etc," I can have an answer!

Obviously each individual needs to find their own but there are some that have worked for me
-a long walk or run
-reading a book that I enjoy, nothing too intense
-spending time with my nieces and nephews
-talking wtih a good friend

I feel the importance is not so much "what" the strategy is but just that it really is "in place" It saves me time and energy from thinking, "What am I going to do now????" when I can act. And the more time I spend utilizing those strategies, the more natural they come and they more successful they are for me.

What strategies have been successful for you in the more challenging times in life??? I would love to hear your ideas!!!

A Small Change

I believe that in living with a brain injury, self-awareness is a crucial factor in success, growth, well-being, etc. Recently I became aware of a small change I needed to make in my own life. The opponent: the television. It wasn't as though I was a couch potato 24/7, with a full-time job, physically and socially active. And though I did watch a fair amount, my main concern was "when" I was choosing to veg out and watch tv.

I noticed it especially occuring when I was stressed and/or anxious, as a way to "pass the time" until I could go to bed, the moment passed, etc. I also noticed I especially watched when I wasn't sure what else to do with my time. Sort of like my brain (and I) didn't want to go through the process of "what should I do now?"

I am by no means trying to axe television watching. There have been many times when the vegging out with a shoe has been a useful strategy for me. But I was curious to see if I could reduce the amount of tv time. Truthfully, I wasn't sure if I could! But I set out with just one goal: before I sat down to watch tv, take a couple of minutes and figure out if there was something else I needed/wanted to do instead. To help me with this goal I made sure I had cookbooks with new recipes (to occupy my time cooking) new books from the library, and a couple of other activities.

It took some time but I did begin to see results! I noticed that making the change wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. I noticed that I could manage activities, phases, etc without having the tv on. (ie when I was cooking dinner) I found my motivation to watch tv decreased and I didn't feel the "buzz" in my head/body after I knew I'd had a noise/stimulation overdose. I found more things I enjoyed doing or needed to get done. Also, I found that since tv wasn't an automatic time filler, the times when I did watch tv, I enjoyed it so much more!

Any small change success stories you would like to share? Strategies, ideas that helped you???

Breaks-An additonal example

To follow-up on the last blog post ("needing and taking breaks") here is additional example. From Christmas 3 or so years ago, events recalled to the best of my ability.... I love this example because I think it illustrates so well the "need" to communicate and the benefits of doing so!

It had been a good Christmas day. It was just me and my parents, my siblings were all with their own families or in-laws. We opened gifts, then took lots of gifts to the family we'd "sponsored" for Christmas. Had fun delivering gifts, visiting with them, and playing with the kids. Then onto Grandpa's house for Mom and Dad to deliver and install the new tv they'd gotten him for Christmas. I think I fell asleep on the floor for a few minutes until my Dad woke me up to ask me if the ice skater on tv was Michelle Kwan. (That part I DO remember)

We headed back home, late afternoon, delivering a few last minute neighbor gifts and I was hoping for some "alone time" to read the new book I'd gotten that morning. So when my Mom got a call that my brother and family were coming over to visit I was a bit disappointed..... I loved spending time with them but it had just been a busy, emotional day and I was done for a while. And in my mind, with people coming over, there were "behavior expectations" Which I didn't think sitting in your room alone aligned with....

I got pretty quiet in the car and somehow it came that it wasn't that I didn't want them to come over, I just needed a break! And once that was out, that was it. My mom understood and I wasn't keeping it inside. I don't think I spent more than 20 minutes or so alone in my room, reading, but I did get a break. And because of the communication there was little if any misunderstanding. My mom knew that I wanted to be alone because I needed a break, not because I was upset, depressed, otherwise distressed. I knew that i had as much time as I needed to regroup without having to "hurry" and rejoin the gathering.

Needing/Getting a Break

For me, one of the effects of living with a brain injury is that I am more easily overwhelmed and overstimulated. As such I like to, need to take breaks. (the rationale for taking breaks varies) More importantly, I like to know "when" the break is coming. Sometimes I get anxious if I don't when there will be a "break," an "out," etc.

The situations vary. For example, in the middle of the workday, I can excuse myself to get a drink, a bathroom break, but I can't just say, "I'm done now,"and leave my assistant and students to fend for themselves. I understand that those kind of situations are just part of life! And I need to adapt to it the best I can.

But there are times when a break is an option, and I have learned some strategies that have made that break transition easier. I'll use the example of spending the holidays at home with my parents (their home, not mine). Since it is a break from my work, my main goal tends to be relaxation. Sleep in, read, chill, watch tv, etc. However, sometimes my Mom (or my Dad) needs my help with things around the house or other to-do holiday tasks. And that's OK! I like to help. But I also like to know about breaks, what the schedule for the day will roughly look like.

And so, I ask. I ask my Mom what she thinks she might need my help with that day and when she thinks she might need it. I tell her the things I want to get done that day and so we can work it out for both of us. I'm more relaxed, I feel like I know more about what I am getting into and I know what I have to look forward to. I also know that it's less likely that I will have just fallen asleep and suddenly something else comes up.

Again, this does not apply to all scenarios in life. But I have found that when there is some flexibility, asking can go a long way!

Your thoughts????